The V.I.P. Room: R.I.P

I'm tired of people claiming that when
one door opens, another is sure to close.
So I sit in the hallway and watch the
clocks attached to their wandering souls.

Another day passes with stagnant music blarring behind wood,
it's understood we've got no homes left deaf to the hood.
I took a fresh breath and then stood...
with a depth kept inside my chest, cacthing a theft's goods.
This is the best of "I could" as I sat back, max relaxin'
on the track and spat mad facts compacted to a hook.
Lets chat over a flat base-line and taste aged wine
taken by the maker of abstract space and time.
Rumor has it I got this knowledge from the grape-vine
outside honest galaxies...actually, I lied, I'm tired of rhymes
used to promote confused shows like kids don't know
how to shoot a gat, and attack wack cats that
act like fast magic graduates, saluting attractive hits
quick to be retracted when the contract stacks it's chips.
Cash in your stash for some handles before your
16 year old bars trap you to rap, and your grabbing bags
strapped with minimum wage like it's an interim basis
education; taking out the trash in a blank face waiter's oasis.
You wouldn't last a dime sack if you flap your gums son
cause emcees breeze through tongues piercingly and tattoos
of your crew with ink written in snake bitten ferocity.
It tears me up to be pessimistic but simplistic linguistics
dare to be optimistic when too many heads are dead to
realistic artistic ability, faking grateful sentiments said
when your sending me engery and a mix tape CD
to R.I.P. with no lettering; you better bring talent valuable
to the game or trade your V.I.P. room enthusiasm and
exuberant vigilantism shit to someone who can stand it.
I'll rant and rave over open graves for their name-sake.

I'm tired of people claiming that when
one door closes, another is sure to open.
So I sit in the hallway and mock the
clocks attached to roaming souls still hoping...

Up, and i'll edit in some links.

with a depth kept inside my chest, cacthing a theft's goods.
This is the best of "I could" as I sat back, max relaxin'
on the track and spat mad facts compacted to a hook.

^^ Ouch. This was brilliantly wrote. My favourite segment of the piece.
Again, Mindless, this was such a really nice read. From start to finish
you were on point with the content, and made a vivid image for me
to ride with. It was bitter/ironic message for me as this is happening
all over the world, and rather than take it from an artists perspective,
you took more from a third person, almost "con" view. There was places
I had to re-read but nothing that hurt the overall read of the piece.
I'm loving reading your Open Mic's atm.. please keep dropping at the
level you are, man. Because new writers can take so much from you.
Props..

Try to return the favour on my latest piece.
Thanks.

thanks brix. it's appreciated man.

hey yo i know im not no vip or anything lyke dat but im new 2dis shit and i was guna see if yall kud help a brotha out..i dnt kno where to go 2 juz put my lyrics down or where to battle kud sum1 tell me where 2 go..thanx

whoa.. lost me there.. but it looks like talent...

best lines:

This is the best of "I could" as I sat back, max relaxin'
on the track and spat mad facts compacted to a hook.

you need 2 links...

i really dont like the name of the om...but the verse was average...i didnt really like it cuz i didnt like the topic...alot of it didnt rhyme like VVVV

You wouldn't last a dime sack if you flap your gums son
cause emcees breeze through tongues piercingly and tattoos

alot of it was like that....just work on it you'll get better...

nice peice i liked the detail :)

nice drop man....really feelin it...nice flow...great structure...good rhymes
topic was interesting and pretty creatvie...imagery was excellent....
overall this was very good..compleixty and good vocab was here.....
keep it up man....peace

...simply dope flow structure was all there i dont know what to say

thanks all.

up