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The Illest of all.
This was written on a deep tip...conveniently while the power was out...so thats how I got the name. I would appreciate any feedback...I am new to the site not to the game...and I will definitely return any feed back i get. thanks. enjoy.
This piece is called FIRE BY CANDLELIGHT....but changing the title is the only way people will read it.
ENGAGE IN THOUGHT…I think about the DAYS FORGOT
My WRIST HURTS…FLAMES ARE LOST…I hope my BIC WORKS
The PAIN, IT STOPS…rememberin the days I hoped the PAGES CAUGHT
Would TWIST VERBS til every grain in my BRAIN EXHAUSTS
TIMED PRECISION an the FINEST WRITTENS…BECAME THE MARK
MY AMBITION was for RHYME AN RHYTHM…not the FAME I GOT
PRAYED TO GOD to see my NAME ATOP the list of lyricists that CHANGE YA FRAME OF THOUGHT
wit one stroke of breathtaking PAINT TO RECLAIM YA HEART…
I wanted vernacular…I KEPT PRACTICIN…IMPROVED MY VOCAB
USED A NOTEPAD so my FLOW HAD a wealth of INDEPTH ADJECTIVES
Can one really PERFECT TACTLESSNESS…In MUSICAL FORM?
A ROSE TRUE TO THE THORN that GROWS INTO A BEAUTIFUL SONG
Keep MOVIN ALONG, cuz what else you gonna DO WHEN ITS GONE?
All ya life people PROVIN YOU WRONG…but CRITICS ASIDE
I got INFINITE TIME to sit back and watch the MINUTES COLLIDE
I just want the chance to PICK UP A MIC…and TOUCH LIVES
CONCOCT A POEM, show people they’re NOT ALONE in the TOUGH TIMES
I cant DISCUSS WHY being real gives something people can BELIEVE IN
An ACCRUED MEANIN could give ya the power to RESUME BREATHIN
Have NEW REASONS….to come to terms with a FEW DEMONS
I’m THROUGH DREAMIN…now there’s just time for the RHYMES TO DIE
Tried TO ACHIEVE EM…now I TRY LIFE DIVIDED from NINE TO FIVE
My MINDS APPLIED to other things…until I can FIND THE TIME
To DISGUISE THE CRIES of a lost soul HIDDEN INSIDE THE LINES
Good RIDDENCE TO MY DEMISE…my spits will exist till TIME EXPIRES
Music COINCIDE WIT LIFE? A question there’s no RESPONSE FOR
People are generally DRAWN TOWARDS…the strength of a SONGS CONTOURS....
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uppin for feed on this shit....
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all right now that i got that shit outta the way uppin for feed on these FLAMES! If you leave me feedback i will gladly return the favor. thank you. one.
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i liked tha rhymes. wer reeli gud. gud use of vocab. i specially liked this bit:
A ROSE TRUE TO THE THORN that GROWS INTO A BEAUTIFUL SONG.
i dun knw nythin 2 critcise cause im new to this. so soz bout tht. but overall i liked your wrk. could feel it.
nice wrk bruv. keep it cmin.
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yo thanks for the feed...still uppin....u guys are sleeping on a masterpiece.
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ho hum.........................
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hate hate hate hate! READ MY SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!
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dope insight, awesome flow wand structrure but you dont need ot capitilixeze you r multies, we can see them fine dawg, it was decent, this was piece had pretty good wordplay, and the flow was dope, overall, ok piece stay up keep writing
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ya i just do that to accentuate the piece.
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i liked thne imagery but the structure ruined it for me really nice piece tho
keep it up
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it's kool imagery was nice
overall nice peice .....keep droppin
leave feed on the om in my sig plz thx
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i think u could mos def work on your structure because its hard to flow right...but the imagery was ok and you could do alot better on your choice of words...use more imagery and ull get things str8....keep it up kid
~1~
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i guess i dont understand the feedback on this site. Work on my structure...tell me how...because if you pulled ur head out of ur ass and read this shit you would realize that the structure is fine.
