The Un-American Dream feat. Gabriel

Quote:

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Hold on to dreams, for when dreams die
Life is a broken winged bird, that cannot fly

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Nahlidge:
Had the house, wife, picket fence, a couple of kids
Nice car, big rims, but he struggled within
Under the skin, kept the ugly and bad, good was seen
Played the part of American Dad, understood the teens
His hood was clean, jealousy was over abundant...but
A deeper look shows he struggled to keep the motor runnin`
Old and blunted, but he already lived the life of a king
But it was only money that gave him the wife of his dreams

Gabriel:
Why's this house divided in two when I provided for you
Took you out of the jungle to where your skirt blew
Even the winds knew... blowing cold glass at me I saw
With the sun burning I still had to stand in awe
Of a living trophy made of diamonds, my tears drying
Hold me, name whatever you want Ima keep trying
I kept you on a pedestal, ignored any chances to stray
Kids path paved, went from off the rack to off the runway
Ill take the blame, real love isnt coordinated with green
Seems you, me, baby all just woke from the american dream

Nahlidge:
No glass of cold water, no alarm clock needed
Just cold sweats, wakin` me up with heavy breathin`
Schemin`, had it all, lost it all, or so it seems
Handlin` this divorce, gon` leave me in a whole for weeks
Months, even years, fuck it, even tears
But love had me blinded, shit, I wasn`t even scared
They told me, ain`t no I in team, why the fuck am I even here
She was my everything, don`t seem like she even cares

i really liked dis drop...it was a diff look @ a topic dat hasn't been done recently in OM.
ur vocab was simple but it suited da topic nicely, i liked ur overall flo and da way u set it up...maybe use sum more internal rhyme, i think dat would def help u elevate more...

I kept you on a pedestal, ignored any chances to stray
Kids path paved, went from off the rack to off the runway
Ill take the blame, real love isnt coordinated with green
Seems you, me, baby all just woke from the american dream

^^^these were my fav lines, it was sumthin bout da way they came 2getha...

i dont think i's seen u 2 in here b4, but i'm new, so def keep postin cuz dis shit was tyte & i'm lookin 4ward 2 seein' more from u 2...
~1~
-LL

I was really feelin this piece guys, good work.

I agree, it is a new approach to this topic and you both pulled it off well. The flow was good, as was the piece in it's simplicity. But the vocab is a little shady, especially when it comes to the grammar aspect of it.

Months, even years, fuck it, even tears
But love had me blinded, shit, I wasn`t even scared
They told me, ain`t no I in team, why the fuck am I even here
She was my everything, don`t seem like she even cares

Great conclusion to this, keep it up guys.

holy shit

yo this was some good readin. i like how the topic came about. it flowed pretty good an it had major imagery in it. it had emotion in it wich is always good in an om but i like readin this peice. just keep at it dawg. peace out

I like the concept used here you guys brought some originality to it. Both nah's verses were done well, a bit basic and nothing extrodinary but none the less made for a good read. Gab, I can see where you felt like the rust isn't all off yet, and yes I agree. Not bad, but you can tell there is something missing, like you're not firing on all cylinders just yet. Ease back into the writting, don't try ot knock out a master pice just yet, have fun and let go. Since you used to drop, members here stood around and elevated, so it's going to take a few writes before you start wowing people again. heck, we all get rusty, but this is no way a bad drop, it's just not at tthe level you;d want it to be. It's good and makes a good read, now work from there gab. Nah, you always come with some fresh ideas and nice schemes, I look forward to dropping somethign with you in the future, I think our styles will complement well.

This was decent shit. Gab, you were a little rusty, but you're still better than 90% of the shit dropped here. I don't know if you're that dope, or that everyone else has gotten that booty. :^/ Nah, I've seen you drop doper too, but it was still decent shit. Cool little read, knee-grows.

i agree this piece flowed well between the two of you, i liked the topic a lot, had a lot of emotions to it, was this an experience you went through or someone else.
favorite lines:

Of a living trophy made of diamonds, my tears drying
Hold me, name whatever you want Ima keep trying

nice lines there
overall 7 out of 10

lacked flow towards the end and wordplay could have been a little better but all and all good rhymes, keep it up!

The title of this attracted me and Im glad it did so as this is a great piece.

Nahlidge:
Had the house, wife, picket fence, a couple of kids
Nice car, big rims, but he struggled within

Gabriel:
Of a living trophy made of diamonds, my tears drying
Hold me, name whatever you want Ima keep trying
I kept you on a pedestal, ignored any chances to stray
Kids path paved, went from off the rack to off the runway

My favorite parts from each of you. I really liked the flow of this piece, I think you could easily make this into an audio. I liked the imagery and the anologies (atleast I think thats what you call em) each of you used. Keep writing guys.

Thanx all for the feedback. Upping.