Poverty Noticed

Poverty Noticed

He came to school, wearing nothing but ragimuffins
Always avioding vocal abuse, gets treated like nothing
You can find him in the corner, almost always embarressed
No money for lunch, in tramendous debt he confessed
Walking slowly to class, the man gets mugged by thugs
For no reason I guess, you see blood stains on the rug
Making failing grades, he doesnt play any sports at all
Abundently standing tall, but no tutor will awnser his call
But after what I saw, I think yall should know about it
He gets thrown around like a rag doll, he fell from one hit
The fatal blow from the fist, no reason, that visious kid
Battered.....Brusied.....Tattered and his poor nose adjusted
.
.
30 Years later, The story continues yet exactly the same
Except now it gets worse, he's introduced to the big game
Street fights, late nights, trying to make a living the hard way
Worring about his life, dwelling on his concrete curb all day
It was tempting to comfert him, but my whim soon took over
Remembering back when, we believed luck came from clovers
I walked by, seeing he was hung over, and gave him a kind smile
He saw me and said "Hows it going, havent seen you in a while"
"Same here, things not goin to good for you eh?", I said nervous
He said suprisingly "I've never had a better home then this curb is"
I knew his mind was blown, from inhaling drugs and alcohol....
Officially wasted, I told him not to move, or he might fall...
Then I went to get help, thinking the local shelter would be nice
So I began asking around, keeping him from ice and betting dice
.
.
I finally found a willing home, at least for the cold dredfull winter
Walking back to his curb, after I got him food at the health center
Happily I was almost there, then I heard an familure screaming voice
There he lay, dead, with blood every where, a knife was the choice
I then cried.... Despite not really knowing the man in such poverty
..I was the only one at the funeral, and I spoke words to thee.......
"God, why would you pull such a horrible moral uppon this man?"
"He was never angry, Is it my fault? Take me too if you can...."

Links:
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=273006
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=272778

this was deep homie. the imagery was tight yo. i really connected to this cause where i be livin is like this. theres alot of poverty. some of my friends who have went out like he did lived like that. I really liked the descriptions and the moral of the whole story. real rough ending but its real. mad props for this. drop a vote honestly in my battle in my sig b.

-Peace

im Guessing u aint like my verse straight drop deep feeling if you didnt want me to write then the hell i waste my time........

I didnt read your PM till I already finnished. Sorry.
Uppin.

Blah, uppin bitches.

He came to school, wearing nothing but ragimuffins
Always avioding vocal abuse, gets treated like nothing
You can find him in the corner, almost always imbaressed
No money for lunch, in tramendous debt he confessed


good fukken shit dukes.. better than most of the crap that apperas onj this board

story rolled well... rhymes on point.. vocab coo

nice

Thanks Uppin.

Damn im getting slept on.

I knew his mind was blown, from inhaling drugs and alcohol....
Officially wasted, I told him not to move, or he might fall...
Then I went to get help, thinking the local shelter would be nice
So I began asking around, keeping him from ice and betting dice

NICE FLOW GOOD CONSISTENCY, KEEP IT UP, I LIKE DA IMAGERY

Remembering when our luck came from clovers, thats was the like that stuck with me -- I like how you tried to bring my man's to life I think it need to be more action packed some parts drug on ya know but nice keep doing your thang

Thanks for feed.
Uppin.

He came to school, wearing nothing but ragimuffins
Always avioding vocal abuse, gets treated like nothing
You can find him in the corner, almost always embarrassed
No money for lunch, in tramendous debt he confessed

^^ Apart from that error in spelling (yes! ill be pandantic mofo) I really liked how you opened this. There was some nice imagery throughout this and emotion. At times I wasnt really feeling your choice of words and I felt use of multi's would have helped your flow. Keep it up.

Thanks.
Uppin.

nice....yop hyad nice complex bars and i like the monolauge that u incldued with the end of the bars..overall it was nice..some pretty preschoolish ryhmes..but still whocares?!

So?!?!?
Uppin.