A Ever Lasting Kiss.

The Ever Lasting Kiss.

Waking up from the ground,a sound of relief that came bound
Lying around a bunch of bricks,that would mark where i was found
Upon opening my eyes,your lips touched mine,elevating my mind
Your kiss lies the taste of youth,bringing my life right on time
When the time was right,i looked for ship that kept us tight
Buried inside a rubble of bricks,and you being the light to my life
Those vast moments came to my thoughts,as they would not rot
Your kiss locked onto my own,and your love fell like boulders and rocks
.....
Realizing I've day dreamed off,my body still walking into the road
My mind telling me to hault and hold,but the words saying "Go" stay bold
And just than...Out of no where a truck comes flying into my back
On the ground wondering "What the fuck...",and if my body was still intact
My eyes blacked out into a mist,and my hand grew soft out of a fist
My wrists slowly stop working,as if they were being halfed like a schist
Eye lids appeared closed,yet i felt as if i could see everything fast
Lights,flashes,and a picture of a casket,passes inside me like a blast
I slowly feel dizzy,from the impact,and my mind still taking attacks
A train slowly stops from behind my back,while my heart's on track
Footsteps start to come towards my only and last left breaths
Hovering over me a women,whispering her most kept secret
Not knowing what this is,i listen in,and i feel something is amiss
A feeling of bliss starts reminicing,from a soft pedal like kiss
Eyes opening wide,my eyes locked,into the same person twice
A cool breeze sweeps me off my feet,and my cheek feeling like ice
Turning around fully,i take a gaze,and in astonishment i see
In my own place...The woman who saved me,rests on the ground quietly

http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=272033
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...06#post3964906

*blinks* wow, that was really really really good, the imagery was amazing... *is lost for words* *reads it again* Good work! Wish I could give you more feedback, but ehh.. none is really needed.

Dang dawg that end was surprising...you tricked me, that girl musta really loved that dude or hade just a huge heart it was a good om you hade good vocab, structure, flow all of it it was a great peice

thas some CRAZZZZZZZZY shit homie, i dead ass was feelin tha scheme and tha whole story line......but tha closure brought out tha best of this key, also tha imagery was bananas, 10/10 and thas real

dat drop was hot! i'm really mpressed wit ur imagery & the end kinda surprised me cuz it def wasn't what any1 was xpectin--got me?
well, keep postin cuz i think u got dis on lock--1
-LL

Up Up and Up.

Nice piece in the beggining your started good but near the middle your flow fell off just a bit imagery was dope but lines where sort of strecthed and flow was choppy but i liked the topic you styed on topic next time add multies and it would be better overall i give this a 8/10 good job

I leave feed on some so called vets and Even THEY dont leave feed.

stop crying .

Up.

*Fart.*

dammm this was some hot shit you had some tight vocab goin in this shit the topic was so real but unimaginable at the same time & thats what made this shit hot and you had a good flow to this shit which brought this shit out even better