Dreaming.

Tired from work I come inside my house and lock the door
Papers piled all along the floor from the day before
I shuffle past them thinking I'll sort them out another time
Thinkin i could get away from things in bed i start to climb
Maybe if i was dreaming the stress of life might disappear
If i could just fall asleep debt deadlines wouldn't be so near

But what was to come I had not quite anticipated
For in the dream to come I'm glad i participated

In Darkness..

A womans tortured scream fills my ears with a deadly cry
Unforgiving eyes stare out at me, waiting from me to reply
I know not of what was screamed, so i stand there rooted to the spot
The eyes belonged to an old women of whom time forgot
For now I recognise this women to be my grandmother of late
A woman of such dignity, pride and most of all hate
She then looked up to me with such a distateful glance
And said with a gravely spoken voice "You Have Only One Chance"

Time seemed to whirl in great spirals of light
And as if just by magic i started to take flight
Faces i know not of spin around and around me
They spin so fast they only just look like debris

Suddenly I'm back laying in bed with sweat all over my face
Still hearing "You Have Only One Chance" my mind starts to race
Then it hits me like thunder, Life is what she meant
I have spent my whole life here, like my feet stuck in cement

I'm not going to waste my life here stuck in normality
Ima get back to reality, and improve my mentality.

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...35#post3933735
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...=270190&page=2

Quote:

---

Maybe if i was dreaming the stress of life might disappear
If i could just fall asleep debt deadlines wouldn't be so near

---

nice.

this right here was ill most defenitely, topic went right along with the structure meaning the imagery was on point .

Good shit son .

thanks man. upping for more feeback please.

wow i really like this piece, simplistic vocab but went nice with the structure great imagery like the topic but yeah all together this shit was dope. keep postin

it had a simple structure and ur vocab was on point ^^^ like he said
mayb work on pickin a diff topic nxt time so dat we can c what u can do
overall i liked ur piece, it was a diff twist there in da middle so dat was cool
i liked how u kept it simple cuz ur image that u built was def ez 2 c--props
keep postin
-Mari

.....................

hey marshal.. is that ur own shit?
man.. lets battle, 6 lines 10min
..........................................

dreaming... ur shit reminisce me bout somthin..
its good ... heh!

Yeah thats my own stuff. I dont hardly battle at all, so no sorry.

Thanks for people who left feed.

Up.

Up.

:bored:

Up.

pretty nice.. good poetry..nice imagery.. worded well.. good text.. yeah im feelin ,ore on the rap tip flow at the moment .. but this was good still...structure looked good
so yeah pretty coo

stay1

Thanks. Up.

One Last Up.