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The Word
The Word
ever since the egg was furtilized, i had to hurdle guys
through my five and nine i had to bottle up my hurt inside
i remember comin home everyday with two purple eyes
i hid my cry's, closed my eyes never to see a whole blue sky
dad said "son, fuck a gun, show ya fists i'll show ya right
*he blows a kiss, throw ya right, and so you miss, you grow to fight"
i took it in, carried his advise when i would go to school
but even fools'll tell you embarrassment can make you lose your cool
posted up, a G or so i thought with half my hoody up
a bully comes, i swing, he gets more licks in than a pudding cup
just a fight, red cheeks and a couple of fuckin gossip folk
but little did people know, my demons told me it's not a show
it's a stuggle, i would have to get respect and earn my keep
so i returned home, to a hole in the chest, i turned the key
opened it up, retreived my fathers antique widowmaker**
smuggled it into school the next day, wrapped in some withered paper
spotted the kid that talked that shit, blinked and got prepared
took the pistol out, aimed it and the fear in his eyes glared
pulled the trigger, perfect, hit him right in the fuckin forehead
constricted by a deputy, i knew he was for sure dead
felt pretty good about myself, like a man at fifteen
but that was then, i'm in a jail cell now, and i'm fifty
*blows a kiss(metaphore)- means talking shit
**widowmaker- a pistol
just a lesson that words are just words, there only effective if you let them be
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dude that was tight and i liked the flow. n it just goes to show you, some things can never be taken back, ide hit your links but i cant vote yet, anyways man, keep writing
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Yo... Nice rhymes there.. i liked the Rhyme pattern that you used at the beginning... Hard to stay on focus like you did.. good metaphors smilies etc. ic ould feel the flow thru the text without even hearing the beat... good shit.
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I liked this piece.. The story had a good flow to it, and the word choice was nice.. Mechanically, it was on point, but the flow was a little bit choppy.. The lines carrying over was cool tho.. the reoccurring imagery of your details was dope, just use other words next time instead of just 'basic' rhymes repeatedly.. Loved the ending, overall a nice job.. pz
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Fuck yeah man, i Really Really liked this, the vocab was good, the flow was good, there was a point to it and the subject was great. good wrok, keep droppin man
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you showed good inner rhymes in the first 1/3 of it, and i thought the flow was really good from line to line....the only thing i would recommend is working on the word usage, id have to agree with STATUS in saying it was a big choppy....line to line it flows ok....just the latter part of your peice is a bit jumbled....good topic, some metaphors, the slang you put in actually made it interesting....keep it up
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Ha , dasz wassup . i was feelin it mos defenitely .. . Set that battle up one day fuh ya boy man . .
