Glass Tears

Prince Escobar
Glass Tears
..
the brittle shards of your memory
melt in kilm to revive my visions
prisms of crystalline remnants
slowly soften in a furnace of love
flames assimilate your assonance
impurities weep from these pieces
and run off, pooling to the side
smog bellows from the hearth of my heart
as i watch, mute, ebullient with pride
oh how the jubililence of your eyes
comes alive under the warm womb
contractions enacted to my suprise
revived is my broken dream from the tomb
steam dissolves into worthless pools
glowing embers of our special spark
are reignited from this sculpted pit
lit from within as the surface cools
again full is my fragile memory
of your love, coursing in my veigns
now ruptured and the pain veils
my failure to craft you best i can
once glowing under my breath
you were smothered under it's lack
crumpling into failure only remaining
to brave the fate of brittle shards
1luv.

Hmm...elevation is key, 1luv.

wow!!!!!!!!!!! Now this is some hot shit....... Nice Vocab as well...and it flowed...i Mean dammmn it flowed together smoothly which I think added to the sensuality of the piece...anyway Big Upz and I enjoyed ya drop


(I dont like the title tho)

Well thank you for the support, elevation is key, 1luv.

I like all of the fire references. The womb part stood out to me. Fire is such a loaded image that it can be tied into that section. Using the word womb, makes the object comparable to a child. The progression to the point where they rekindle their love is smooth.
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=266706

Thanks a lot for the read and reply man, appreciate it all, 1luv.

Bah....consider this my final elevation, 1luv.

Your vocabulary and descriptive imagery was excellent, the references to fire really made the poem come alive. The transition of each event within the poem was smooth, overall this is a great work.

short but I liked it the topic I loved it might use it now.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by .Jay.Brook.

short but I liked it the topic I loved it might use it now.

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hot u burning to a 10 out 0f 10, i felt the great use of vocab and imagery

this is good homie...can i put it in my newsletter?

An awesome job, I also liked your fire imagery and your use of language throughout was very effective. The rhyme scheme was structured with a soft restraint, so the focus was on what was being said rather than how, and just highlighted the piece really well. Simple spelling errors ('kilm', 'veigns') detracted from what was otherwise a brilliant work, so I'd just tidy them up in future. Good stuff indeed.