Pow - street leader riddem

sorry, just read the rules...

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...=1#post3784405

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=262182
(can't write more as the post is locked)



brrapp, this is south londons finest,
they call this the lethal riddem...
follow me...


my flow is colder than your bitches period in december,
i'll attack you like altzimers - but you wont even remember,
ima smoke the real shit, while you smoke pretendo,
and tear you into 64 bits - like a super nintendo,
i'll attack your thoughts, leavin a virus in the main~frame,
de-rail your tracks, like the picadilly main~train,
i wear evisu jeans, tn's and tagged tims,
whips with 15inch subs, rolling on chrome rims,
hard hitting, yard spitting, dont wanna mess with my spot,
cos just like a curry - i know my shit be hot.
and a few britneys (beers) will get me in a rage,
so i carry a blade to penetrade the strongest rib cage,
and i gotta duster to dusta ya,
built up bicept to bust ya,
they see the beemer and gold and think im a hustla,
learn bout me boi, morals and pride,
but when it comes to survival i push that shit to one side,
failures not an option, red blooded at heart,
its not up for adoption - dont catch me in the dark

Chorus

This aint no fire, this just the spark,
play with the heat, and get a burn mark,
i aim to aspire, end your career and retire,
you wanna spit through a wire, then ill hit you at dark





feedback please peeps..

safe

-e-

Wack to the most part.

Quote:

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and tear you into 64 bits - like a super nintendo

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Some reason i liked that line though.

yeah thanks for the justification on feedback - it was very thorough

It Did Lack Much But Had Some Good Ideas Just Several Played Lines Be Authentic Learn To Improvise New Ways Of Delivering Your Punches You Got Poetential Now Exploit It

thanks for the decend feedback, its much appreciated.. how can i aim to improve my punches.. if you were to rearange the lines what would you come up with? i want to reach the top, i just need to know how to get there..

safe

because you gave me feedback i gave you feedback to.. thanks

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...99#post3784599



bump..


more feedback please

south london.. lolz... im in south london ghetto


hah.. not a bad piece.. had some good rhymes... suma bit basic.. but still u got potential... just try and form some more original sic punches if u can...


flow was good... just went off a couple times.. but got it back...and structure is safe


keep doing yo thizing

check this ish yo

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=263288

1

Eh, this was alright, but how are you going to have one verse with a chorus? Usually it'll sound better if you wrote two verses with a chorus. Anyway, this wasn't fantastic, but it wasn't totally wack. And I've seen that super nintendo line plenty of times before. Alright drop. Pz.

safe for the feedback