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Unspoken Words
Unspoken Words
Heres a continuation, of my meditation
Through the feeling & movement of your participation
Cant think it, always rising like radiation
Just blink, & were already on the move at the train station
To my surprised, I was finally able to claim a prize
To find some1 special, I wipe away all ya tries with cries
But to stop the lies, to get yes in all ya replies
Now my thoughts are ginger, the way they linger
I can feel heart beats, with just a touch of a finger
Singer motion, how it flows & moves with the soul
Im in the right position, On a roll
Hole in 1, made of gold
The way the 8 ball moves, as our feelings begin to unfold
Is it a hold or bondage that Im caught in
Or maybe its the simile that can nourish a beast within
It cant be a sin the way I feel
So the truth stays within, until your ready for real
Ness, Im blessed with words leaking through the chest
Not the rest, but reaching for who, u the best
Shit, u mite of heard these words before
But at this rate your hearts yearning for more
To feel that fulfillment within
Hearing your soft moans with each grin
Could pretended, but that would be fake
Understanding with each other, what we create
Feelings flow like water, looking at a mate
So I sit with unspoken words, sorta waiting for fate
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yo nice peice good wordplay good vocab an imagery just keep at it dawg
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nice verse, the vocab and the flow and all the shit ties up, it kinda slacks in creativtya lil but overall pretty dope.
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is anyone actually going to give decent feed ?...
fuck it give me 15 mins and ill give good feed.
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Okay...
This was a good peice...the vocab was really effective as you made it a mixture of complex and simple...theres nothing more annoying than someone throwing in a load of big words for the sake of thinking they are smart it would ruin a verse...you kept your flow on point but maybe a little bit off in plaeces but after reading it a few times i think you ment to do that.
The actual content was good yet i think you could have made the stroy a little bit more deep in places-such as the train station...you could have put alot more of your emotions into that part of the peice but you made up for that later which lines such as this: 'The way the 8 ball moves, as our feelings begin to unfold
Is it a hold or bondage that Im caught in
Or maybe its the simile that can nourish a beast within'
Furthermore: 'Now my thoughts are ginger, the way they linger
I can feel heart beats, with just a touch of a finger
Singer motion, how it flows & moves with the soul
Im in the right position, On a roll
Hole in 1, made of gold'...i really liked this line inparticular as the imagery was really clear in the mind.
Your structure was okay but you could have placed your lines more efficiently...but this didnt ruin the read as the flow kept the peice on point.
So all in all a very good read and i hope to see more of your work in the near future.
Peace.
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thanks for a real feed back
uppin
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tight wordplay dope vocab nice structure like the flow
8.5 or 9 outta 10
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yea it was a pretty good piece....flow was quite consistent...there was a couple spots it was a lil choppy in but for the most part consistent...vocab...was meh....multies were there in spots but try workin them in more itll help the flow in those choppy areas...the topic was str8....not used often anymore which is coo...the beginning to be honest didnt really grab my attention to wanna read the rest...it made me wanna jus read it to see if it got better...so work on makin your beggining and end real dope...so that way the reader will want to keep reading as well as wanna read another of your pieces....overall not a bad piece
stay up
ooo hit my OM up called Inconclusive
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1st OM but i'll work on that thanks
