...Seasons Change...

[Hypothetically]
If you visited only as occasionally as Sahara rain,
I'd still be heated; impatiently waiting for you,
with emotions masquerading through
what covered eyes can't divulge,
as we move with an impulse,

[Exponentially]
...putting on...
Act II in Scene III
of this marionette show;
cold shoulders we refuse to detach
from our life's energy
Fall.

[Metaphorically]
We could soar through free air
with bondage broken in wind
as shackles removed from our souls
turn to
distant scars
from memory's mercy
recollected through trial and error
In this cold, cold world.

[Realistically]
Speaking
from mutual perspectives,
On the longest day we discovered
we're connected on this level
at this particular time in our
Spiritual Evolution.
Do we really want to ruin this?
[Rhetorically]

The structure of this piece is what immediately caught my attention..and tied in with the title it is all really appropriate. The bracketed sections were a nice touch, setting the tone for each small stanza, almost as if you're thinking aloud. The subtlety of the imagery was really good because it doesn't force feed u the facts and it lets the reader draw a little more out of it. The poetic voice is good in it, and overall this piece is well written in my opinion because even though its subtle you still lead the reader in the right direction and the seasonal references are all there. The ending is really good as well and i like how u ended it with a final bracketed section, in reference to the last line of the final stanza, nice job and its good to see you dropping more stuff, 1luv.

wow... Thanks for the breakdown. I've posted this on other sites, and I don't think anyone actually understood this piece like you. much appreciated..

on another note...

who do I have to screw to get some replies around here?

This was a really nice piece. The structure and layout was very different from the pieces I've read on here, and the title was nice. All of your work was coherent, and easily understood by the reader, yet your vocab was nice and complex.

1.