-
Internal Sickness
Internal Sickness
I wake up every morning, tryin to mourn
Cuz from the inside out, my hearts bein torn
I feel like im being operated on, and there failing
My internal organs derailing, my heart flailing
I feel like bailing this life, leave my sickness behind
My organs entwined, from the shit that I find
im dying inside, the beat of my heart slowly fades
as im enraged in this, trying to persuade
my insides to agree, and work at this cure
im living my life, but what is it for?
Im tore, as I find my sickness isn’t the flu
I was brave for you, I tried to make it thru
But im still living, and for what fuckin reason
Stop my breathing, as my insides begin bleedin.
Internal injuries, that will never rest
Until I hit death, and I cant feel my own breath
I feel like less, as I contemplate my life
Whether to take it with a gun, or with a knife
Cuz the fire ignites, and im a burning soul
Don’t stop me now, cuz im on a roll
My heart gone cold, and my love turned to hate
Whens death gunna become me? Cuz I cant wait
Its too late, cuz im straight, and im done
The sickness inside me, has played til its won
That’s it son, guess that’s what it had to do
But damn…cuz the sickness inside me….
……………............….was my love for you
-
someone hit me up wit some feed.....only way to elevate ya'll
-
uppin this....i hate uppin my shit, makes me look stupid..
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...65#post3629865
-
pretty good, rhymes were a teensy bit forced at tha beginnin n between tha middle n end, but it got good in tha middle n at tha end, good message, jus work on ur word choice n makin tha rhymes more natural
-
dope--------------this is kronik flow material------dope
ONLY WORD TO EXPLAIN+=DOPE
-
lets see some more feed...so i know whats good and whats bad
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...72#post3631472
-
alright but I seen better shit than tha
so good bits but other parts bit forced
-
thats cool homie, like the feed...
-
The internal rhyming helped the piece out. The structure was fine. Vocab was solid. Some of the concepts seemed cliche, but keep thinking up topics and write to the creative ones.
-
-
thats dome good flow but wat made you write that
-
ahh iunno...i just thought about how when a guy likes a girl...and she doesnt care it hurts...ya kno...and i took it frfom there and turned it into a rhyme
-
aiiiiight, lets up this a bit more....few more feeds and im good to write another OM
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...79#post3635279
-
pretty good drop, alright rhymeing, need to make your verse a bit more complex not the simple and basic rhyme scheme, You lacked a bit more depth, what i mean is more emotion, more darkness, make your reader feel tha same thing you felt when writing your piece, decent drop, elevate a bit more an you'll be straight
7.5/10
