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My Own UnBorn Child
http://i15.photobucket.com/albums/a3...hotos/rstl.jpg
Love
Tender, Desire
Caring, charming, Darling
Adore,Admire,Glorify relationship
fling,thrusting,liking
sweet, passion
Hatred.
I thrust my private into her,
she screams with agony of passion.
kiss her lips with source of compassion,
her soft skin feels like cat fur.
My fingertips slowly goes through her hair,
and she looks into my eyes, I felt afraid.
You know that feeling of a sharp blade
going through you? It was like her cold stare.
"You think this will do honey?" "It has to"
I start to pick up. Her fingers grasping my arm.
Nails sinking into my skin, "faster baby faster"
Breathless my lungs are, like injecting cancer.
But I did inject, but it didn't mean no harm.
Got off top of her. Sweat coursing down my face,
she stares at me "hopefully this will do honey"
Like end of court, hopefully this will be the case,
besides only 11 babies died from her tummy.
Pain
Bother, nuisance.
Hurting, Afflicting, aching
twinge, throe, pang, punishment
Annoying, suffering, smarting
Feel, blood
pleasure
Grasping onto the handle bars on the bed,
screaming to the top of my lungs; sound of thunder.
Hopefully a angel will be born from the deep under.
my face red. Constipating of what’s between my legs.
He looks into my eyes and he sees the eye of the devil,
tears smearing down my cheeks, "hopefully this is it,
cause I worked hard and kept myself healthy and shit"
I sway in fear as the agony of pain has reached it's level.
like doing number two in the bathroom, except with blood.
The fungus smell hits my nostrils, my husband on the floor,
four hours of labor and my stomach is so sore,
"what happen to him?" and then heard a hard thud as the blood
.....Increasingly flood.
Angry
furious, livid.
smoldering,raging,bitering
wrathful, splenetic, galled, indignant.
cutting, censoring, annoying
distressed,agressive
Calm
Her hands around my neck; gagging me.
Feeling my throat being punctured by her fingers,
a death feeling inside of me quietly lingers,
"honey, honey, please I can't breathe"
"Your the key to my twelve babies death,
now you must pay" she said through her breath.
My eye's rolling backwards, "O god Please!"
Losing conscious. Her arms were free
but I couldn't move to attack that wicked bitch,
my body was numb. Then I heard a *click*
"now this should keep you busy"
Looked on my legs, both strapped tightly
then something looking like teeth’s moving
a machinery that has the power to remove anything,
so cold and sharp, I felt it went through me
.....My body feel so numb and the pain wasn't lightly.
It was agony
Happy
Joyous, carefree
satisfying,easy-going,caring
relieve,buoyant,lively,light-hearted
befitting,encouraging,confirming.
appropriate, bright
euphoric.
Darkness came forth upon my sight
and with a switch, the power of light.
A plate in hand, walking to the door,
the door of where my child lay and rest.
My palms touch the knob and I turn it.
with a little small force, It opens up.
I lay the plate down, peering into his eyes,
seeing dry tears but I feel no remorse.
I bend my knees to kiss his cheek, and
said "Hey you know what..?" when I got
up and walked toward the door "you look
just like your daddy"...*giggles*
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...46#post3618446
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...55#post3618455
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well done you were creative and you had emotion in this keep it up ........also this was a good topic
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Cool........Uppin............
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this was really good i like what you wrote about it is a really good topic....it was real creative...and its a good style of writing...keep it up
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This was creative. I don't see how you came up with that topic from that pic. I would've wrote about a lonley death or something. Anyway, I like the structure and flow of this. I also like the emotion you put into this. This was very well put together. Keep up the good work
- Miss Clitoria Cummings
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I Really Like Reading This Piece Right Here.the Way You Approched This Piece Was Amazing.when I Started To Read It I Could Already Picture What Was Going On In The Piece You Did A Real Good Job With Your Imagry.and When I Also Read This Piece You Had Really Deep Emotion In This Piece Cuz When I Read It I Felt A Strong Feeling To This Piece.you Were Real Creative With This Piece And Thats One Of The Things That Kept Me To Read It Except For The Opner Of It.the Opener Of This Piece Really Had My Eyes Open To Read This.i Give This Piece A 10/10.keep Up The Good Work I Really Liked This Piece
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O_o.............................
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yall wanna join RB's Finest
go to http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=257286
if ya know whats mean
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Um No thanks for asking.........
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Great piece...
Vocab: Good
Creativity: Great
Flow: OK
Structure: OK
VERDICT: 8/10
Comment: Great piece, great opening lines...really made me wanna read on...
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Nice piece, pretty complex.
I felt the words u used to make the imagery more real, your emotio was on a constantly cool base through the piece, these:
Happy
Joyous, carefree
satisfying,easy-going,caring
relieve,buoyant,lively,light-hearted
befitting,encouraging,confirming.
appropriate, bright
euphoric.
were a big help on keeping emotions firin on all cylinders too, you had a good concept and played it out well, this was a really good piece.
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