Our Demise

The power that this galaxy gives off is enormous
The earth combines thunder with sudden electric pulses
Yet we stand with our feet, gravity is being diminished
With the technology we have, dreams become unlimited
Bullshit! We're all gonna end lifeless in due time
Resorces we use for human purposes will decline
The lengths we go just to continue prosperous births-
Damage the atmoshpere we live in, in turn, making it worse
Our diversity clashes, that's why racism enters
Suspense is said with swear words on ends of my sentences
I look around, people think too deep and hard for hours
So i offer my lyrical medicine sealed up in ounces
The truth is, we create our own problems to solve
We rush our answers so illusions of fact becomes bold
"Why do we live to die"?, "Why struggle for survival"?
"Why do we believe in God"? , "Who created that title"?
I'm stuck, this earth copes with nuclear radiation
But in the end, total extinction is what we're placed with
A movement of human inconclusive confusion
We've lost the life we live if we don't improve it.



Links
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...05#post3609405
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=221827
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=222175

good drop, very deep...i like ya topical verses....

Multies- None
Wordplay- Good
Structure- Great
Flow- Great
Emotion- Very Evident

i give it 9/10

ADVICE:
None really, just keep doin what u doin

nice I mean I'm not tha O.M. type but u got it homie

This drop reminds me of the type of stuff I used to write. Actually, it started out almost as an ode (for lack of a better word) to our environment and changes pace quickly at the 5th line. I have to say though, some of the things you wrote were wrong. The earth does not combine thunder with sudden electric pulses: thunder happens because lightening displaces the air so harshly when it strikes that it creates a pressure build up which we interpret as sound. It really has little to do with the earth. Also, gravity does not diminish by us standing. If anything our mass contributes to gravity. The only way to diminish it to move yourself farther away from the mass that produces the force.

That being said you make valid points about our abuse of the world's resources, our constant procreation and racism. I disagree that people think too deep, instead I think people are usually lost in 'The Everyman': concerned with themselves, their responsibilities to society/peers while not really grasping the idea of themselves as a being (and I don't mean person). I'd say this type of thought is fairly shallow instead of deep. But we've all got opinions.

Some of the rimes were a stretch at best, enormous and pulses/bold and solve/enters and sentences?? I can't get those sounds to match up, maybe they wern't supposed to...

True, we do seem to create our own problems, or atleast concern ourselves with things that aren't necessarily relevant to life, just for something to experience. And yah, maybe we are headed to total extinction, but I ask you: Why does it concern you?

You seem to take the point of view of criticizing the dominant culture of today, how do you live you life so as not to succumb to the same pitfalls that you criticize? Also, how do you suggest others, who are maybe guilty of some of these things you mentioned, change their lifestyle so as to not be so abusive and ignorant?? Maybe something for your next post.

Despite all my criticism, I liked the drop. I always apreciate it when someone acknowledges some of the ills of society. Good flow, some of the lines had a good riming scheme too.

Keep dropping.

Thank you so much for that overly welcomed feedback, that was a piece in itself lol, made me think too. And you're a smart man, i can see it the way you wrote ya feed. This does help alot, and if everyone replied like you did, then we'd all become such better writers. Thanx alot fam, hoping to see more people like you around peace
~1~

uppin for feed

This Was Gud Fam, Flow Was Consitant, Vocab Was Hot'
Concept Was Str8...and Some Ight Emotion...kind Short
Maybe Cudda Explore It More...but It Was To The Point
So Aint Hatin It...iz A Gud Piece Fam...stay Up...peace

that was some real shit and truthfully i havent really paid and attention to anybodys shit like that on here yet except this it was real deep a perfect piece nice flo good structure wordplay was great and so was the vocab. dont think it can get any better than what you just dropped keep it up

thnx fam, really appreciated ya feedback alot. Helpin me better myself :D
Uppin for feed
~1~

nice drop man,,,
flow - 7/10
rhymin - 8/10
structure - 7/10
like it? - 8/10
overall - 7.5/10

thnx dude, uppin this piece

nice piece home boy, sorry i tuk long to drop a reply on your piece. This was pretty nice homs. Your vocab was very good and i liked your structure. This was a very gud put to gether piece. Keep at it. if u wuna collab sumtime hulla at me yeah!

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Legacy01

The power that this galaxy gives off is enormous
The earth combines thunder with sudden electric pulses
Yet we stand with our feet, gravity is being diminished
With the technology we have, dreams become unlimited
Bullshit! We're all gonna end lifeless in due time
Resorces we use for human purposes will decline
The lengths we go just to continue prosperous births-
Damage the atmoshpere we live in, in turn, making it worse
Our diversity clashes, that's why racism enters
Suspense is said with swear words on ends of my sentences
I look around, people think too deep and hard for hours
So i offer my lyrical medicine sealed up in ounces
The truth is, we create our own problems to solve
We rush our answers so illusions of fact becomes bold
"Why do we live to die"?, "Why struggle for survival"?
"Why do we believe in God"? , "Who created that title"?
I'm stuck, this earth copes with nuclear radiation
But in the end, total extinction is what we're placed with
A movement of human inconclusive confusion
We've lost the life we live if we don't improve it.



Links
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...05#post3609405
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=221827
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=222175

---

eyyy datz sum gud shit legacy lol ... :P .. keep it up u rok!!!

uhh... thnx lol, uppin for proper feed

I liked that, that was deep. It seemed like you put a lot of thought into what you wrote. Good content, and good topic. I'll definitely check out ya next drop playa!