Inevitable Fate(Illy)

Inevitable Fate
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Curtains closed, lights dimmed, some faintly flickering candles
Escaping satirical scandals, how malignant media mishandles
Empty notepad as my words freely float around in atmosphere
Blocked by brainwashing remarks of sharks eager to profiteer
Of my thorough talent but unaware they’re destroying my skills
Terrified to tell the torturing threats filling me as I utter soft shrills
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Silently sitting still, awaiting for creativity to finally fall upon me
But my mind dares not to free its power, so caged by boundary
For they will steal my genius ideas like a mere thief in the night
And so I refuse to ignite my ability to write as an undivided right
I gradually gaze around me to see piranhas creepily closing in
Put myself in mental prison, paranoia as my sweet, chosen sin
For I feel bold beast’s breathe in my neck, desiring my demise
All alone without any allies, craving for the moon’s dun disguise
No one on eerie earth is worth my trust, guided by luscious lust
Merely money as must, blinded by wealth which wakes disgust
Trapped in careful consciousness that limits my sole potential
Cannot shout out loud, gone is freedom as good life’s essential
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Fluorescent lights shining down on me, no more pen nor pad
Ghosts dressed in white coats staring, whispering: “how sad
When you think about talent she had, artists always go mental
They are lived by society until their fame turns too detrimental
Getting locked up inside a fantasy world they came to create
Example of mental clinic’s bait for it’s an artist’s inevitable fate”

Links:
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...72#post3599972
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...82#post3599982

nice OM man. I liked it. Nice vocab, metaphors, everything was on point here. Liked the topic too. Keep it up.

http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=256133
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Bump

Bump

That shit dope I like how tha vocab comes in and everything I see no problems at all wit this flo

Aight Better Feed Plz....

Atleast Ur Peepin It.....Bump

I like the fact that you chose a topic rarely discussed- seemed like you had a pretty good grasp on a subject that you most likely really aren't familiar with, unless you really are a famous artist who has gone crazy. So - while you didn't discuss a life experience it was fully believable. There was some originality in the thoughts that might plague a person driven by craze, but a lot of it seemed beautifully stereotypical. What I mean by this is- You wrote it beautifully, but the ideas were very common. If you could perhaps, work in this piece, or another some - things that have made you think you were crazy- maybe do a tad bit of research on some symptoms of crazyness. I dunno, do as much as you need to do to elevate.

Bump...

Multies: Great when they appeared
Flow: Great
Vocab: Excellent
Structure: Great
Wordplay: Great
Emotion: Evident

ADVICE:
Maybe some more multies but thats it...keep doin what u doin...

PS: If ya ever wanna get down with a crew, u gotta spot at GD if ya wanna take it...

VERDICT: 9.5/10

...fantastic....

i thought overall ya piece was gud,voab was nice, structure was ill
concept was creative...emotion cud a been more desperate...the only
thing about this peice i suggest you look at is ya transitions from word
to word and line to line...it makes a differnce...some real sharp transitions
in thurr...kills flow...example

Curtains closed, lights dimmed, some faintly flickering candles
Escaping satirical scandals, how malignant media mishandles

first lines good...note the transitions in the second line
escaping to satirical
milignant tomedia to mishandles

the transition kills the flow thurrs a couple more like that...so
think about fixing that and ya drops will elevate to anutha level
keep em commin... peace

yea, now that you mention that, i can see how the transition kill the flow slightly...thanks for pointin that out lol...

This piece had nice imagery. You had a colorul and well done vocabulary. Your structure was on point which lead to good flow. Nothing was really forced either so that helped it aswell. Good stuff kid!

oh yea, i was gonna say too, that the title 'Inevitable Fate'....well, fate you cant control so there really is no need for the word 'inevitable' cuz thats what fate is