Out of the Shade

Now i've rolled wit the winners//
brought blizzards so every day a winter//
danced wit the devil call me a sinner//
want a lyrical gauntlet test me//
magical matt manages murders wit mace n' machettes//
makin' madd money//
most mornons manifest my magisty//
middlemen that mumble to marine marshells//
get marched on by martial art marvels//
i got muscle muzzles for you maggots//
no make-belief maelstroms for the metal mouth mechanics//
i score multiple times wit moss in maddenn//
makin u look mongol like marvin the marshan//
sending mayhem through microphones, mashburn through march maddness//
which one of you wanan bust//
wit the a plus kid//
im nasty a madd libs, slaughterin every letter in the alphabet//
nouns, verbs, n' adjectives//
im shitten' em out like laxitives//
i drink so much when i flow the mic wood blow postive//
now try to push me, you clowns nuttin but lesbians eatin madd pussy//
i beat it til it get mushy//
leave these chickens, gimpin' in pain//
but they always come back lookin for "mo-train"//
...in the membrane, im killin' em//
wit more synanoms than eminems//
call me skittles, every time i flow//
you can taste the rainbow//
like tyson it's time to retire, overdue expired//
i cash in "banks" when im "on-fire"//
you hit rock bottom//
see im the real problem mannn//
i can take out your hole clan//
wit my bare hands, until you can't stand like luteniant dan


yo im new to this shit tell me if my posts are alright or i gotta fix em, give me sum imput too

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/newt...=newthread&f=5
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/newt...=newthread&f=5

yo leave me comments please i need sum help with my structure and my rhyme scheme

i dont like the scheme of it man, not to good, i didnt have n e imagry in my head or no feeling for the OM, sorry, just not feelin it..

you got good word play, so your flow isn't the problem. Your vocabulary isn't bad. It's your tone, you're ramblin. Pick a steady topic and embellish it. Tell a story. Don't jus glorify shit that don't got notin to do wit notin. People need a connection in lines to keep them interested. For real your flow is hot, but you jus get some passion in your words. keep on, 1.

word yo this shit was just sum shit i wrote in a bored day just trying to see what i could do thanks tho keep uppin'