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Please read carefully:
- Verses are due Sunday, December 11th by Midnight
- Voting ends Wednesday, December 14th at Midnight
- No extensions will be given
- Most votes wins/ 5 votes are equivalent to a win
- Crew votes are allowed as long as an adequate explanation is given
- No hate, d/r, beefing, etc
- 20 line minimum/ no max
Spoken choose a topic or picture from this thread:
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...95#post3569495
Good luck to both.
I want his picture as a topic:
Okay.
Alright, God.
I call this piece, Nirvana's Mouth.
Nirvana,
Yes,
Douse me in your heavenly saliva,
Engulfing the hairs of my arm,
In the thick consistency of dew,
Shall I talk to the skies?
Or will the tenacious clouds
Shower me
In the wee hours of the morning
About the same time,
When the clouds whisper mute graces to the sky,
And when they do so,
Is their drawling lisp audible?
Can you actually feel the awkward,
Slither of their tongue,
Wiping the roots of their mouths clean,
Oh yes,
They have big mouths,
The crevices and indents on the roots,
Similar to the eroded valleys,
That we cherish, and only
Compare a reasonable ratio to,
When we travel those distances,
And in the waters below,
I recite this chant:
Now, now,
Trickery is just the virginity of maturity,
Must you foul my intentions?
By making the teeth of my bicycle wheel,
Slide on the slick surfaces of the Tunnel?
Must an illusion deafen the senses of reality?
While you turn the clarity down,
And unfurl my homestretch like a red carpet,
Echoing your drips from the thin aluminums of the wall,
And below?
You direct my view to the abyss,
Hades’ hand emerges and breaks the surface,
Drawing in the water like making a tent of a sheet,
Now, now Hades,
Trickery is just the virginity of maturity.
And now as I walk down this dense tunnel,
Thusly, I feel the saliva emboss the sheen on my arm,
I am now traveling in what is called Nirvana’s Mouth,
The steady drawl, a snore, of when Nirvana’s breathing,
A gentle wind that parts the waters like God,
God,
Nirvana?
Is their drawling lisp audible?
He fathomed eternity’s route in a simple bass & drum loop
Who’s held closed, tight fists to open fires
hoping that the propane will get them higher?
a man, whose soft voice doesn’t echo
but serenades the night
sweet sweet cello
Who tested the depth of our minds, head first
and dreamt of blue skies draped across a red earth
like a sage, with one last page to fill?
who loathed in Las Vegas
but loved backstage
He possessed clefts with each pressed lip to a cigarette
Who craved the blues like Dylan’s marijuana?
which came to light, in the darkest persona
who honored space and time like his state of mind
and kept all regrets
all, sanctified
Whose hair wisped and curled, represented
an era’s tone that is condoned in the present
who fell asleep to the world without a bullet
circa 1968
I miss the mullet
wake up Syd
wake up
Emily wants to play again
Yeah,
Josey your concept was the nicer of the two, but to be honest in my opinion you didnt execute it as well as you could of done
I found spoken's much more easier to follow and whilst josey's concept grabbed me to begin with, he failed to keep me as intrested throughout as spoken's did
Spokens was well written throughout the piece and i thought it was ended very well
Vote: Spoken
^I Agree, a few points in Josey's piece lost me though i was aware of what was going on throughout it seemed as if one or two points just didnt make sense. The voice and the word choice was GREAT in Josey's piece but it overall didn't really move me and it seemed very hollow (or at least that a few misleading lines jumbled your message) Spoken your piece's rhyme scheme and imagery was solid throughout and that is why i think that Spoken won, 1luv.
Josey- Brilliant imagery, nice metaphor and I liked the repetition of rhetoric throughout. An interesting interpretation of the image.
spokenbohemian- You're obviously a music lover, but I didn't feel your concept at all, sorry. Your rhyme scheme was great and your imagery and language use was just as good as Josey's, I just didn't connect with your choice of theme in regards to linking with the image.
Great verse from both.
Vote: Josey
Vote people
Damn, Josey really surprised me here. But still I feel that Spoken took this.
Josey:
I really liked your take on the image and felt you did a great job with it. You had very nicely arranged metaphors that were just tangled in masses of vocabulary. BUT, undernieth the intellectuals of the piece, where the metaphors stand bare, they just become another played concept. So the only place I felt you lost this was in your originallity of description. Not everywhere, its just your creativity wasnt as consistant as Spoken's.
Spoken:
Im really starting to pick up on your reacurring theme of music. And I really like it actually. In this piece your descriptions of what you were trying to portray were nothing less than mind blowing. The opening line, the closed clenched fists over the fire... Talking about playing the drums right? Well, that's what I thought you meant and it was just a real intense metaphor that I think brought out the passion of a musician to a tangible thought. Just, great... I mean, I could go on and keep quoting things I liked but that would be kind of pointless because everything in this piece fallowed along the same stage of consistant creativity, which is why I really feel that you wont this.
Vote: Spoken
Jesus christ.
Vote/spoken.
I was all like, J has a dope piece...then I read spokens...I almost envy that fucker. I'm surprised I haven't heard J before, he's surprisingly good.
Spoken wins 4-1