oh girl

i used the hook to paul wall girl


oh girl id be in trouble if you left me now
cause i dont know where to look for love i just dont know how
oh girl id be in trouble if you left me now
cause i dont know where to look for love i just dont know how

now they every rose has it thorn
an every hart it always gets torn
you fall in love an then you brake up
its like a nightmare an you cant wake up
then you vow to never fall in love again
cause no matter what it feels like you cant win
then you go out an fuck ery dick
thats your way of thinkin you can get revenge
you say that you gonna be a playa till you die
but when you fall in love it cant be denied
then you start tryin to push yourself away
cause the last time you fell in love you got betrayed
you dated the person two years an he cheat on you
but you never told anyone if he beat on you
then you start to fall in love again
it just happened to be me you fell in love wit
then you pushed me away
cause the last time you fell in love you got betrayed
im sorry for that
but girl i aint like that
see you just gotta believe me
an put your trust in me

oh girl id be in trouble if you left me now
cause i dont know where to look for love i just dont know how
oh girl id be in trouble if you left me now
cause i dont know where to look for love i just dont know how

no matter what id always make you smile
we were both so wild
doin shit under cover in the livin room
i aint care bout gettin caught id do anything for you
you where there for the bad you was there for the good
i was there for the bad an i was there for the good
we dated for three months an never spent two days apart
i started fallin in love girl you had my hart
your the most beautiful thang that ive ever seen
i tried to get a record deal so we would both have green
an we could live in a mansion
just like marylin manson
wed be livin good
far away from the hood
then you started pushin me away
cause the last time you fell in love you got betrayed
im sorry for that
but girl i aint like that
you just gotta believe me
an put your trust an faith in me

oh girl id be in trouble if you left me now
cause i dont know where to look for love i just dont know how
oh girl id be in trouble if you left me now
cause i dont know where to look for love i just dont know how

your not comin back an i finally understand
but im whippin his ass when i see the other man
ive never gave a damn an i sure dont give a fuck
i got it made in jail its full of family love
i never thought you wouldve done this shit to me
but fuck it ive had worst shit happen to me
shit just go ahead an be happy wit that prick
while im on tour gettin bitches to ride my dick
but now the stories been told
ive reeped what ive sown
i done a lotta shit i shouldnt
if i could go back an change i probably wouldnt
cause the shit ive been through it made me who i am
that tennessee cat that still dont give a damn
sometimes i wish i wouldve chose a different path
but then i look back an i probably wouldnt of rapped
an there would be no big j
or southern terrorists today

wow, just not good, no imagry, nowording, just like you were recording it...read around..elevate.

thanks for the critisism even though no one wants to hear it it does help to get it it makes you wanna do better an it sounds better on audio but thanks cuz

yah, on a audio it alwas does, i know, when you read it with out a beat and slow and crap, it sounds dumb, but recorded it sounds better..

shit just go ahead an be happy wit that prick
while im on tour gettin bitches to ride my dick
^^terrible line 4 a piece like this!...

the chorus was not a good hook...usually a chorus spices the song up..but na i was really not feeling it...made me not care bout the rest...

.......you did not have a good flow, vocab, wordplay...this was very simple, ...and most of these lines have been said b4 by ppl juss like u...not feeling the piece....


**YOU NEED 2 UP YOUR COMPLEXITY,VOCAB,WORDPLAY..ETC.. ur structure was very blah 2.....make ur lines longer ADD internals..spice it up...be more creative..i was very bored reading this make it ur own shit..be CREATIVE ya heard!

keep ups..and keep writing ...it will all come 2gether!

good piece it did flow but slowly some nice rhymes in there tho, pece 8/10