Stuck in Love f/ lyrical miracle

white= lyrical miracle
black= killamami

girl listen.... about you girl i been remeniscin boo
wonderin how i contain existence being such a distance from u
i'm wishin that u... can touch me, kiss me, luve me, i'm simply
just sayin... that i'm not playin i want u to just be with me
and when i was gone that was temporary boo... sorry 4 scarin u
i hope believin that me leavin u is something i will neva eva do
u make me wanna marry u... i just wanna carry you down the altar
and the line above this one is a promise it's not an offer
am i hurtin down inside? yes....................................
.............. why? cuz i ain't been able to look in ur eyes yet
have you realized yet?... that we're one of cupids works in progress

yes i realize it, in fact the realizations just too real
cant control my feelings so anything you ask i will fulfill
yesterday i was livin life as if it was just a thing to do
but now livin life is like a duty and top priority is you
you're my heart so any hurt that you feel i feel too
if you stop breathin, then the day you die is the day i'll die too
pushed out of existince without you cause its not even possible
for me to eat or even breathe knowin you dont love me, its not probable
this is the only way that i can show you i love you since you're so far away
but wait and pray for the day, when we can be together, face to face

my links:
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=249045

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=252158

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...47#post3516847
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...71#post3516871

uppin for feed

lyrical its coming...chill............yall muthasukkas better give us some muthasukkin feed...plz....see lyrical thats all you had to say

^ not really what ya got to say...i just feel ya that there is no feed...peeps way too lazy..just retrin the feed on my OM..ight

this drop was iight....strcuutre was bad and flow was bad
rhymes were prettyg ood from both of you./
topic was iight ot thta different but waas cool
ight drop overall keep elevaiting..peace

Enhance the lyrics and youll be fine. Use more complicated words but ones which people know what they mean. Anyone got a dictionary...?

best thing i liked about the 1st verse was-
u make me wanna marry u... i just wanna carry you down the altar
and the line above this one is a promise it's not an offer




best thing i like about the 2nd verse was the flow and delivery...tho those couple long lines that go off the page cud ov been worked on to fit the format...even so nice emotional piece....

but now livin life is like a duty and top priority is you
you're my heart so any hurt that you feel i feel too
nice

has sum good poetic elements
just try to improve the structure a lil..

thanx uppin!

uppin for feedback