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...: Love Dies :...
Love Dies
Smiles, emanating from the picnic's location in the middle of the wilderness,
a place where Hel remained but the sun was a bright shield from her kiss...
and filled the trees and created bliss in the form of His jovial, wrinkled face,
but she laid in wait, combing her hair with a sinner's rib cage
on the end of days.
They crossed the path, over the cemetary basking with warm memories of cold picnics,
skeptical to the reincarnation, for their thoughts intruded in the form of old snippets...
Now, wicked strands of Hel's hair crossed over the plain in the form of dead tree groves,
that abolished all hopes of the protection, with goes to show how deep the lava flowed.
True, Love Dies, and the rock then hardens into magma, that bursts out with great force,
as Death and Pestilence rode over the cemetary, the horsemen radiating the sad source
of war over the lands of the once proud, where men preached in increasing numbers...
where volcanoes of Hel laid in wake to erupt from the hibernation of their eternal slumber.
He cleared His throat, searching for words that would be heard throughout Hel's domain,
and the eleven around him whispered, hearing the ghosts howl and shake their chains.
The wind whistled as the disciples clasped the bible and followed the spiraling path,
that always accompanies the tortured souls on their way with a hoarse, sinister laugh.
He strolled proudly, not detouring down the winding course, adhering so selflessly,
in the cemetary, a place where none of the ruthless, pampered, and sheltered see.
They followed behind him sluggishly, and with sheepish expressions they copied his actions,
trying to remain happy and retain the power that was born from their ancient magics,
and it was tragic, that some thing like this happened to one of the most loyal disciples,
who rose covered in maggots at the sound of his name uttered, but was in denial.
For who would return to bless Lazarus, other than the deep-rooted love of his fellow siblings?
Returning to the family without eternal shame and sticking to the shadows to be forever hidden?
Flesh-ridden with the maggots that would turn into flies,
he heard, "Us," as they muttered. "Lazarus, Love Never Dies."
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this was very dope....vocab was sick....very complex same with the rhymes not simple what so ever..flow was smooth and structure was even all the way..topic was interesting and creative and i enjoyed reading it..good peice....keep it up....peace.....
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nice topic and yes vocab was there...i dont feel it flowed all the way through, especially in the 1st few lines but maybe i wasnt readin it right....all in all though it was rather dope....kinda long but still dope....i loved the last line....it was my favorite...it gave your topic that story book ending with a hint of suspense...whole OM kept me thinking...loved it
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I thought the flow was decent, but I wasn't worrying over it that much. Thanks for the feed...I need to get another link.
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good topic great vocab flow was not that good but the peice was so good it didnt matter leave feed on my oms will i and war
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dope topic...... vocab was great...... liked the structure alot...this shit was plain dopeness.. could work on ur flow though........ but id give this a 9.5/10 keep up yo good work homie
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Very good piece, best ive read for a while. Concept was dope very original which always makes a piece good i get bored of reading the same fake thug/drug shit gets repetitive. First off the way you told the story was very impressive, very graphic very detailed, i mean you set the scene brilliantly from the first 4 bars just grabbed me into the piece, and you kept my attention all the way through. The vocab was brilliant, im not normally a fan of huge vocab type pieces because a lot of them become too cryptic.
But this piece was the exception you know how to use the vocab to better your verses and you know all the things you brought up in the verse.
Obviously the vocab helped you come up with some sick imagery there was a lot of quoteable lines in this piece but this one stood out:
'The wind whistled as the disciples clasped the bible and followed the spiralling path'
'That always accompanies the tortured souls on their way with a hoarse, sinister laugh'
Very nice line but the piece had a lot of nice lines it just moulded together real well vocab and imagery matched with a great concept.
A couple of multies could of been added but i think your a writer who can get away without using multies because of your great vocab and sharp imagery.
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Word yon I been seein u gettin way better from ya otha OM u gettin nice wit that vocab and wordplay flow waz sick tho hommie keep up the good work
Maybe u could collab wit me some time
