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What happens when u die?
Ive always been taught that when i die ill go to heaven
And if im evil God will damn me then send me to get totured by saten
church maken me feel bad and is always staten
dont cheat
dont curse
dont lie
and most of all dont question gods all seeing eye
But they still dont describe wat happens when we die
when im at a funeral i crie and take it as another chance to say bye
i dont think about were my loved ones goin
i just think about wat was goin on in there brain when there heart was slowin
im like a confused 3 year old
im scared, thinkin the devil is which my soul is sold
when i ask an adult the answer me cold
they say why the fuck are u thinkin about that your so young
but u see they dont know that im truly sick and i feel my time is almost done
i ask my dad and he says u wont know untill u get there son
my times ticken the pains startin to quickin
i gotta get this fuckin answer before blood starts drippen
i fly like a plane in the sky
asken every body but all they do is ask
why
im fusterated all this mutha fuckin religion is over rated
no one knows what the fuck happens to the creatures that god created
all these bitches think about is who they dated
i dizzly fall to the ground and my time is over clearly
im screamin for some one to help me cause i need it dearly
an old man comes over and my thoughts are startin to float away
i ask the man
when i die will i float away like a dead castaway
and were dose my soul go foe a final place to stay
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=249365
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=249681
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hey, that was a very good poetry drop for a beginner,don't let my posts fool you but that was pretty good
i like the topic and the concept
work on your structure and step up your vocabulary and you will be fine but nice drop for a beginner
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comon dont let this waste uppin
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that was a good concept but i thougth it lacked emotion and detailed descriptions also even up ya lines sometimes the ryhtm gets lost
i would take this peice and go over every line to see what changes you can make to better illustrate what your trying to say
overall it was a good post and i enjoyed reading it because i had a lot of those questions too much love
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=233120
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