..::Unwelcomed Intruder::..

*honestly a topical battle verse that got wasted* http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=247991
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...31#post3434831

Unwelcomed Intruder

stressed I must confess this content of this unwelcomed guest
to protest the possessed who believe they rest above the best
convey a world of cocky mouths that use uninformd minds as prey
wish away yesterday,ruining each day with arguments they display
constant fighting arrogant american lives with terror on the rize
plainly crazy with hazy eyes rather run our mouth then care who dies
blood fills foreign territory but our medias $ is based on a selfish story
america full of unwelcomed talkers who 4get the hurt'n & live off glory
time of fame resides their mind with time taking a precious toll
remarks of envious words grow old,as true americans patience run cold
each passing day unfolds more selfinvolved articles of idiotic people
who feel only for themselves,think there great but only pruducing evil
rarely do we hear good things,cuz of what crazy and bizarre brings
talent is vast,yet a mentally handicapped makes millions when he sings
we know wat we see,and seem to only believe wat the media sends
full of garbage depends on stats,yet nationalism slowly descends
time spent wasting listening to them not caring of our nations health
worrying of fame and wealth,tuning out a nation in need of help
media allown is an intruder, a thief of our own we should disown
shown its grown running our lives thinkn wer right but its not rlly known
brainwashing our beliefs,choosing only what they want us to see
tainted news seems to ease our mind,but its only temporary relief
american should have no want for this unwelcomed power
truth should rain louder,but is drownd by this selfish coward
quickly growing owning everything eventually running our mind
only in time we all will fall behind the media making us blind
loving nation depressed,as the press expresses a complete mess
hard to digest with unblessed humans always being supressed
we can try our best but how do we contest the unwanted............
..............when we live everday with our unwelcomed guest

upping for some FB!

!BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH!

this was okay but you had played line's could of used better creavity and vocab also could of added more emotions into it didn't really have a vibe.........other than that it was pretty good structure was okay so was wording ............just elavate and work on the thing's I left you fb on

^^^^^wtf
ithought this was good - the flow was excellent in my eyes.the emotion was decent and above average, the imagery was vivid, you had a nice rhyme scheme,the structure was well formatted, the vocabulary was decent also, not a played concept...or atleast i thought it wasn't....good read man

i gotta agree with kaotic.....while this wasn't amazing.....and this is the only thing i've seen by you....it is good.....nothing caught my eye and i think that's vital in a piece...something has got to catch your eye and make you think "Wow..that was deep" or "I wish i coulda thought of that"...I mainly look for standouts.....that may be a weakness of mine but i consider it important......ethier way this piece was put together well....it transferred nicely from point to point.....and it wasn't to long or to short.....you write well...Cant wait to see some other stuff from you....later man

^^ya i get you..like i said it was a TOPICAL Battle verse that i would have KO'D the guy on ( but i got dq'd because somebody upd it 4 me) so that was GAY! but thanx u guys!

This Was Some Dope Shit Spekz
Nice Flow, COuld Have Used A Bit More Creativity But Overall This Was Really Nice, And Like Kayotic Said This Aint A Played Concept, Decent Verse

8/10

ya...thankx 4 the feedback
its always appreciated!

^^^^^wtf
ithought this was good too - the flow was was smooth continuesly.the emotion was decent and above average, the imagery was good, you had a nice rhyme scheme..pretty complex,the structure was well formatted....even...made it easier to read, the vocabulary was decent also, not a played concept...or atleast i thought it wasn't....good read man..keep it up..peace...hey vote on my battle in my sig and have a good explanation 300 posts to vote...when ya get a chance..thnaks