Simply what i feel.

tattoos of love echo in my reverberating cry
if i could, id let it out with a simple sigh
but i tried that and failed miserably...
now i can barely see you and what yah usta be
so fallow me and grin wickedly so i can hate
let it play out with time, like fish hooked on fate
and serve a dish of devilish design,
................................................st ich together
pieces of a Mal fabricated puzzle, made by her
the kind that leaves you pondering helplessly
seeking out relentlessly that a golden sea
that you've touched and seen, felt like forever been
lying in check patiently waiting for love
then you laid sedating with a tireless shove
babe you where my dove.

now you're, gone but the sky lights up
i straighten up and ask new people whats up
some say souls in heaven, other say nothing...
and some are just happy to be, or simply to see something

now you're gone but the sky lights up
i straighten up and ask new people whats up
some say souls in heaven other say nothing...
and some are just happy to be, or simply to see something

my memory lapsed and over lapped my physical jog
now I'm suck with a pen and a universal blog
smog covering my once just green smoked vision
submission of words so i seek out ink precision
i don't agree with your decision, never will
at a time that seemed selfish, i missed the point shown
for that i was thrown on the grill, heard my joints groan
burnt out, with kisses and venom filled spite
now i discover wolf found might.... n continue to write
despite all these people mocking me... i persevere
a blind seer who listens and tells,
..................................till i find the final frontier

http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?p=3409259
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?p=3409418

zzzzzzz?

this started off really well. i liked the chorus, however the second and third verses were not up to your potential. i liked what you were trying to say and i agree with the feeling you get. i get the same way and have written many things similar to this. i also noticed there were too many spelling errors. i usually dont mind them so much, but everytime i see one i stop my read. this was good, but below average for you. i have seen better. nice to see you are still writing and there is still some talent in the om forum.

it had some good qualities and bad, it did start out good but on the last few lines it lost its flow that you didnt quite get back, over all it could have been better, the misspelling does effect flow, if i have to stop and try to figure out what your trying to say, that alone effects the flow, im here to elevate just like you dog, keep'em droppin

^^ thanks dude.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by AceKill

it had some good qualities and bad, it did start out good but on the last few lines it lost its flow that you didnt quite get back, over all it could have been better, the misspelling does effect flow, if i have to stop and try to figure out what your trying to say, that alone effects the flow, im here to elevate just like you dog, keep'em droppin

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just for you... i edited spelling.

we'll rb is a corp no sore :P

Pretty good piece man... I like some of the elements that you brought into your piece. you brought a nice rhyme scheme with your words and did a good job with the deliverance of your verse....

good delivery, flow was dope and structure wasa little new to me, the first verse was the dopest, and the hook was ill, rhyme scheme was mad ill, and the complexity of the piece was dope, imagery was good as well

Quote:

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Originally Posted by TheKing

good delivery, flow was dope and structure wasa little new to me, the first verse was the dopest, and the hook was ill, rhyme scheme was mad ill, and the complexity of the piece was dope, imagery was good as well

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thanks dude.

I liked most of it, good concept, nice wordery, a bit poetic though!
You can picture some aspects of the rap aswell, not bad keep elevating

this was soo dope, nice wordplay , flow was nice, structure was nice 2, well this was suttin ill i liked every thing on that one,
keep up homiez

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