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Follow Me........
I make music that moves n mentally sooths
rap wit 'Tools' to 'Fix' any Problem wit fools
they claim that i'm 'Cool' cuz i disobey the Rules
n swipe them jewels while takin mc's to school
as 'hot as wool' n the summer time heat i pack
its a fact that i'll lyrically crack ya back
n smack the wack who know they 'Suck' like 'Vacc'
cuz they lack the knowledge to stay on track
instead they jack n 'bite' anything i 'write'
but thats okay cuz 'i'm god...Cant U See the Light'?
i'm way to 'Tight' sumthin like the 'Jaws-of-Life'*
spit deadly n the flow is on 'Point' like 'Knife'
you livin 'trife' when i'm livin the got damn 'truth'
ya lies is 'Loose' n you'll neva flow 'Tight' like this 'Noose'*
rhyme like Seuss n high n mighty like Zeus
its no use to try n stop a force like me...U Aint Got the 'Juice'
u need a 'Boost' to tryin n cope wit this 'Head'
got u lead on a lyrically journey that ill leave ya 'Blood' "Shed"
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well it wasnt that bad....but first off leave the bolding and the ' ' outta your peice becuze we all understand your "wordplay"....second you had some good multis in this which was the strong point in this peice.....maybe next time pick a different topic and i felt as if a couple of times in the peice you fell off topic....try and stay on the topic at all times...the structre was aight as well was the flow....but work on vocab and imagination....so the reader feels themself in that position and can relate......keep workin on it stay up
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This was ok but the punchlines were weak when you write a punchline its gotta get a reaction from the people who read it and i didnt laught at one of them. Some of your wordplay was ok but it lacked so it made the piece seem sloppy the vocab was average at best so that limited you to poor imagery.
With a piece like this you need killer punchlines and really dark imagery to draw the reader into your piece and you didnt get my attention. Try and think of a really good concept and take your time on your verses dont just write the first thing that comes into your head. Work on uppin your vocab this will help you create better imagery also try and work some multies into your pieces this will help your verses be more complex.
Return the feed on my new OM:
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=244305
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You can do better bruv just dont rush your verses take your time with them.
Its nice to see you can take critiscm this wasnt bad but i think you need to work on the punches. If you can return the feed on my diss to Not So Eazy E lol and read his diss to me lol he should of kept his mouth shut.
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It was hot i like it alot keep that shit up YMT.
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Hey man, I am diggin this shit I like alot of it and some of it lost me so I think this shit is dope but it could use some work...
