One Way Portal

One Way Portal

Blurry sun rays stream down from God’s painted horizon
Students hurry scurrying to class, not lookin behind them
Don’t notice their surroundings, and the beauty that’s there
As they cross over Washington Ave bridge with no cares
The river watches them, as people hastily look down
Halfheartedly wonderin why the water’s reddish brown
Sunset reflecting off, fire glimmering in the waves
Look closely and you can see, hell’s gate past the flames
What dwells below, just the current to ponder?
What hides quietly, beneath the murky water?


A brown mass of mystery, swirling with hidden deception
Calm on the surface but internal roaring can deafen
Walked over by many, but noticed by a minority
Constantly moving, drawing and pulling me
Resisting takes skill, but for those with no will
The water appears warm, and the temptation can kill
Heaven’s angels can fly, and Hell’s demons can soar
The bridge over life, can serve as death’s diving board
Their fate’s been pre-decided, destiny has a voice
Before water and bones collided, He made His choice
Sprout wings and glide off, to Heaven’s gate and bliss
Or sink into the abyss, of seven layers of fiery pits
To fly up or fly down, paying the ultimate cost
Souls are swallowed whole, but they were already lost

Wow, simply amazing. I refreshed, and it was the only topic in bold (new) and the title caught my eye so I decided to read it. By far the best line in this piece was -

" The bridge over life, can serve as death’s diving board ". Just.. wow. I don't do ratings with numbers, so I'll tell you how I understood to piece so you can pretty much get an idea if your.. mission was felt.. Um yea, what I understood from this piece is basically anyone committing suicide, in this case but not limited to, jumping off a bridge is basically going straight to hell. As crude as it sounds, in a sense is biblically true, and those thinking about suicide wonder if there will be another side, in this case, whats on the other side of the water? Real interesting piece, hope to see more from you. Also, I like how

"What dwells below, just the current to ponder?
What hides quietly, beneath the murky water?"

makes the reader willing to read the second paragraph, really catchy :)

well i must say its been 3 weeks since ive been here and the first piece from you or should i say the first post lol

nonetheless
the topic was nice and refreshing you had consistant beautiful discriptive approach every sentence had a descriptive word in it , seemed as though it wasnt forced either like it naturally fell right into the exact place to make the noun (subject) stand out bright and bold

i think the overall appeal of this piece would match a picture i saw once to a tee an angel had fallen from the heavens and it was by choice ( at least in my perseption) the wings were tattered and his head was held high with a confused yet justified look in his face a rather beautiful painting.....
i loved the piece and loved the way you write both are art......
of the most beautiful kind

hazy

Good drop old friend. It looks like you still have a little kick left in you. It was a very nice poem with good imagery. I could picture everything that was going on and the details made it that much better. It was very enjoyable and one of the best drops I've read since I've been back.

Ben, hunny, I loved it! It kinda had a mysterious feel to it, and the overall feeling of the poem was actually kind of interesting. It gave a sense of having to know whats on the other side. Overall I think that this is very well written, and it made me think more and more as I read this over and over. You did a great job with this one Ben, I loved it.

....fav part....

What dwells below, just the current to ponder?
What hides quietly, beneath the murky water?


keep droppin



....bless

~*UnO*~

thanks all...upp

Expected this piece to get a little more feed, I think it was well written.. uppin for you laur

Try and stick to replying only when it's to give decent feedback.
Upping for other peeps isn't necessary.

^word to Mantra...soo...up

Last time...more replies...please

Very good piece here.. some what mysterious and not at the same time... Imagery was strong and solid... Emotion was strong felt and very good.. I really enjoyed your structure and flow in this... the way that you wrote the story along kept me interested... very good job..