Plane crash survivor......subliminal message

3 moons have passed, still moistined with death
recolection of the past days a haze of regret
amazed that my breath is but a phase of wats next
transition of my position to lay with the slept
fragments of the vessel my only shelter to cope with
life meager and hopless with death as a focus
187 an ironic number of the fated passengers
my addition laccs written to paged ametures
of the cloak of life but still am i spose to fight
all there yrs erased my only substanence, im close to right
next to the devil playing his right handlike a twisted game
is it meant the same that im the unlifted saint
why was i not choosen to begin the new journey
few heard me wen i said that the crews worried
" Do you see the concern in their eyes?" i asked
neighbor responded"kinda but it might pass"
windows rattled and vibrated shaccled the skys placement
someone yelld " does it matter if Gods waitin?!?"
panic insued, fear replaced the atmosphere
trays thrash about the ailes," i cant beleive we are traped in here"
sudden blaccness and silience sumone happend to riot
"NO HOPE! NO CHANCE!" next transactions are violent
gravity grasping we, death, no longer laccing speed
actually tragidy a significant part in life happenings
so except then enevitable though the outcum was questionable
death exceptable but will my memory be incredable
no chance for an answer impact ravished the plane
i awake hours later with its fragments haven savaged my brain
so now on this desert island i lay in wait for peace
to scared to end it my self im made to see
3 moons have passed but still my days continue
cuz the greatest punishment is not death but lonleyness with in u

fuck man that was sum sick shit, you must make an ill topical battler...


3 moons have passed but still my days continue
cuz the greatest punishment is not death but lonleyness with in u

^^^ Legendary

Keep up the good shit man

I really liked this piece, the concept was original which is rare in OM.
You really did justice to the concept the whole verse was a metaphor so i gotta give you props i really enjoyed reading this piece its the best one ive read for a few weeks. Your vocab was perfect in this piece you didnt overuse it which really annoys me so from the first couplet you had my attention.
Your imagery was also very good really emotional and very detailed you set a great scene and carried it right throughout the verses it never got repetitive.
Your flow was also nice, which i always appreciate i hate pieces that lack multies but you had multies throughout the piece so it was more complex.
I couldnt really criticise the piece it was dope i would quote some bars but there were quite a few so i'll leave it but keep writing your a good writer.
Return the feed on my new OM:
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=241117

thanx fo da feed bacc homie...uppity fo more

uppity fo sum more feed bacc.......................

mayne u already kno my dawg was gonna kill this.....u had decent structure jus try to make ur lines a lil more even.....u had multis and that made the floe much beta....the rhymes were hot and u made it very visual.....it was a really nice om.....

keep it up....

uppin for more feed.......................................

This was a good piece here.You had a good topic along with a good storyline which is good.Also your Imagry and emotion were on point here with this piece.When I read it I could picture where I was at and shit like that.Your structure was ok but try to make your lines even.And everything else was ok.This right here was a good piece to read just keep up the good work.Hope to see more from you soon homie.