Walk of Life

The slippery slope to elevation, i tread with a heavy heart
convictions set in stone, my hopes ready to depart
i unsteadily walk as a loner, rain dampening my dreams
i look to the sky for an answer, and i see the weathered seams
you had better believe, i say in my mind, eyes pooling with drops
as my eyelashes brush together, easing my cheeks, cooling and soft
losing my thoughts, my grip on a blurred line relaxes in power
this never passing shower of life, drenches my soul
soaking in discord i take risks to enter the end of the road
daring to die, cerulean torrent swallowing haste
as i lose my footing and lie in a puddle of dissapointment...
fallen from disgrace

i look to the sky for an answer, and i see the weathered seams
you had better believe, i say in my mind, eyes pooling with drops

beautiful lines

it reminds me of precios moments characters

how there opague faces are always slanted upwards looking to the sky for answers
yet they always have such a sad feeling to them
like perhaps they never recieved the answers

which in part would bring the tears to their eyes

wonderful piece excellent structure and overall the only not so gloating thing i could say is:

i didnt picture something like this coming from a person like you (being as the only impression ive had is negative)
regardless
wonderful poem prince
hazy

as i lose my footing and lie in a puddle of dissapointment...
fallen from disgrace

The second from last line was over done in my opinion. Dunt think the word dissapoitment was good to use and the line seemed stretched out and full to the brim.

Otherwise, it read well, good flow and structure. With maybe a couple other lines slightly over-stretched with certain words. Though i can't put my finger on them.

^Funny...i got the same impression when i first read it but couldn't decide what to change, guess my instinct was right, thanks V for the feedback, appreciate it greatly, 1luv.

flowed well and structure was nice. some lines were
streetched a lil, like varento said

yet they always have such a sad feeling to them
like perhaps they never recieved the answers

that was my fave line

peep my poem time keels over

wow this was short also like something else i had came across. thiz shit was tight and i enjoyed it mainly cuz it was like reading some 1's mind and feelings from them selves just written down. vocab was nice, keep up your work

Thanks Jazz, and Pharoah thanks for NOT reading it, that wasnt even one of my lines you quoted....elevation is key, 1luv.

yeah you are welcome hit my om up when id rop it today titled "why i hate my grandma?" featuring my cousin
holla back prince

UpPpPpPp

This was actually pretty dope, with the emotion and imagery strong throughout.

"The slippery slope to elevation, i tread with a heavy heart
convictions set in stone, my hopes ready to depart
i unsteadily walk as a loner, rain dampening my dreams
i look to the sky for an answer, and i see the weathered seams"

That was really good writing, the vocabularly in it, imagery and flow were all excellent.

"you had better believe, i say in my mind, eyes pooling with drops
as my eyelashes brush together, easing my cheeks, cooling and soft"

That was slightly stretched though, just a little.

Very nice job Bloom, very nice job indeed.

i have no clue how u got Bloom....

Man fuck the half ass shitty replies on this one.

The rhyme scheme was cool but the real credit of this piece is how u managed compressing such great imagery in such a small and short piece, really ill job man. I truely enjoyed this one, definitely the best poem dropped this month, nominated.
-Fiasco

nice peice felt the imagery creativity was fine......complexity was good cud of been better but good ...keep it up ill be looking for more peices from u....oh yeah and i also liked how the title matched the peice...and go hit up ma peice honestly its intitled Brotherly Love

^I Hope you're banned, elevation is key, 1luv.