Prison Food... up feedback from real niggaz

Given the plain option of eating rice or potatoes for 7 days
Meals make me drowsy; i swear they riddle lunch w/chemical sprays
Yesterday we had bread, black chips served w/out ketchup
Plus, something nuts resembling dog-meat… that shit left my lips cut
Guts ache after pudding as curdling custard rots my insides
Dinner’s at 6:00 pm… this isn’t bona-fide chicken its all bone & hide
Dried beans, plus im sure i saw insects walking in the greens
I stare at my fucking plate for 10-minutes thinking this is now obscene
Lucky i got a tin of tuna left coz tonight’s food is extra wack
Tiptoe back up steps to snack, dusty cornflakes in my breakfast pack
i mouthed a forkful of raw egg-yolk spew & virtually choked
My pupils dilated sweat trickled down my back left my t-shirt soaked
This is an insult, how can a grown man survive on mice feed?
Since when was pepper-steak-cuisine served w/out a single spice seed?
i checked the menu oh shit! Tomorrow its that grimy goulash
imma have to run up in some motherfukkaz cell and steal his food stash

prison food its grimey nigga check my diary
get me the fuck outta yo damn! i could die G

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=238352
net link 2moro se4en

That shit was really good, you had a nasty flow, wicked straight...
your vocab was elevated, ur multis were elevated...
I saw u were a noweight and saw ur verse i was like OH DAM!!
Verse was really good hommey,
I felt that shit for real... that was
just a nasty verse all i can saw good shit...

Yo Son.i Enjoyed Ur Verse Aswell.i Can Relate To It..if U Know What I Mean,ha Ha.....i Liked It Because...thats Some Shit I Should Have Came Up With .......one!!!

[QUOTE=Alphabetized]
your vocab was elevated, ur multis were elevated...
[QUOTE]
Vocab?...Multies?....did you just read the same verse I did....or do u even know what a fuckin multi Is???
mice feed/spice seed.....only thing that came close to a multi and 2 syllables usually aint counted as a damn multi....

but as for my opinion....nice piece kid.....not great.....but original type topic....
Best Line
"Dinner’s at 6:00 pm… this isn’t bona-fide chicken its all bone & hide"

i guess kid mentioned vocab cuz you aint got the typical shit/bitch/hit rhymes that alot of kats spit....simple rhymes but not the same simple rhymes as everyone else....its original....nice

ya thats good shit probally gonna capture lotta niggas here cuz thats what a lot of us have went through, 8.5/10 only had like 2 lines i didnt like all the rest were cool man, good job keep handin out da oms

good looking out yo

for real

Concept was strange but thats cool i like reading different shit.
The vocab was decent the imagery was ok but i think with this type of concept you couldnt of really wrote great imagery. Your flow was a bit off but i thougt the piece was ok but i just think you limited yourself by having prision food as your concept. Next time just think of a concept that you can write some better emotional imagery also work on the flow mix in some multies to your pieces it will make them more complex.

Return the feed on my OM:
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=238600

yo thanks for looking out yo.. this piece just came to me realc quicly last nite so i just dropped it in u know with no edits

any ups?

booo you fucking ape :P

yeah yo mos a ape-bitch

do i know you
why you freepost?

lol do you know me?

no it's rb im pretty sure none of us know each other on here...

cept for those few... you know those few... nevermind.

ape.

definitely feeling it...I know where you're coming from on that shit. Couple lines seemed like they didn't fit...but shit, nothing makes sense w/ that fuckin' food anyway.

def ups

also, shit, rice, and potatoes and shit? Pudding? Damn, we never got shit like that....chicken on a good day, otherwise some funk ass meatloaf, and that fake ass coffee shit is some bullshit...you need SOMETHING up in there...damn.

Closed, you need 2 links.