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Down The Alley
yeah this is just another thing I put together check it out rate it 1-10 and feel free to leave comments thanks niggaz
I am lost inside cant find a place to lie/
All I do is keep walking looking and I sigh/
Until I come across an open passage way/
I walk over to it as night suddenly captures day/
I feel that I should stop but pressure makes me keep going/
I feel the chances of my survival are deffinetley lowering/
I have no idea why I can't just turn back/
I guess self control is what I certainly lack/
Never will I see day again, thats what I am feeling/
Suddenly my tiredness seams to be healing/
So I now dont have a clue why I am still walking/
But the voice inside me just keeps on talking/
Telling me everything will be solved if I just keep going/
But by this time I need something to be showing/
Why I am still moving trucking if you must say/
I must just hate my life because I have been walking for days/
I finnally just stop I am lost and incomplete/
I look to my left and hey....theres a seat/
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that shit was hott but im confused are u at the movies or sumthing. 8
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lol ha never though of that, lol that works. But, no I meant it as in someone has a bad life then they think they find a way out of it then they just keep looking and they finnally giveup/almost give up and then they find a way out. As in I am tired and looking for a place to rest and go down an alley for days then I finnally quit then I find a way. Well thanks for the feedback.
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very truthful, seems homeless but that wa sreal deep.. but more expressin vocaba dn rhymes woulda did it even more better adn let people under the true struggle that you wanted to be let known. your flow needs to bee improved as well. this was basic, and for a topic like this, more described personals would do a lot better. interesting topic to your audience, just work on certain standards.
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thanks for the tips streetz I really aprecciate it
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hmmm intersting way of doing this topic... I think u could've made it longer and possibly introduced characters and a storyline, but I like the twist at the end, gave me a chuckle. I think bigger words would definitely make it more interesting, and possibly wrap this up as a christmas present, ya feel me? But this was a good one, I think I will read ore things from u, try adding more distinguishing things to the topic. Overall a 7/10 for the emotion and twist, keep it up. Having fun and creating is the best part, enjoy it yo-PEACE
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good drop was nice and short with a good ending
vocab was sorta basic but it was nice
was short simple and worked / 8/10 keep it up
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You need to leave 2 links to 2 open mics that you left decent feedback on or this gets closed, Thanks.
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I took the ending that since the seat was in the alley, he saw the homeless life as enticing. You could elaborate on that concept to make it long enough to put to audio. The rest of the piece building up to that was basic for me. Some rhymes felt forced, becaue of the way that the line needed to be worded to have it rhyme. I don't think that going into the piece that it was too creative, however at the end, you may have found something that works.
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This was a nice piece, i felt the vocab could of been upped though. I could feel the emotion in this. A good try and overall a good piece, keep dropping you can only elevate homie, piece!
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This drop was mediocre. You shouldn't start each sentence with the word I. This was a pretty basic drop. Work more on the deliverance and incorporation of solid vocabulary in your drop...
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Lol detroit u have a special thing for the open mics, that was decent ive seen better from u but its nothing bad, try to fix the structure up and better vocab on this peace...u kno i only say wats best for u, but it was deep and had me guessing like :wtf: at the end
7/10
