A.m. 2 The P.m. Feed Back Please!

This is to that Cassidy Beat... Feedback is appriciated!

I Still got work from the ~A.M. to the P.M.~
I Still got work from ~Day out to day in~
You think that im ~Playin?~ I'll ~Show you that im not~
Ill show you how to turn raw ~Coke into the rocks~
2 Parts soft white, put the ~Potion in the pot~
I gave them Fiends that shit that they ~Tokin in the drop~
But I always made sure i never ~Sold em to the cops~
Now thats the defintion of ~Holdin down the block~
And its always gonna say ~Rolley on my watch~
As long as crackheads stay ~Smokin on the rocks~
And I'll kill them if i find out they ~Rapin children~
And then cop more rocks that a ~jacob dealer~
I Have the fiends meet me at a ~Vacant building~
After 1 week, Man i got ~Cake to the ceiling~
The only coke you got, has a white ~bear on it dawg~
I had work be4 I even had ~hair on my balls~
Holla!

Don't Lock this mods!

My links are coming but i just signed up so gimme a few minutes

Alright..First Off The Structure Was Alright Here....Work On Vocabulary Man Cause This Is Not Working Yo..I See Rhyme Scheme In Here Started Off Good Like Me With The Rhyme Scheme...Flow Was Okay..Some Line's Kind Of To Stretched, Use Sylable Count Dawg...And Yea Holla At Me For Tutorials

your flow was hot but your vocab started going south at about the middle of the rap.
you gotta remember ounce u start it on a level u should only go up from their.

werd this was ite ..u got potential ur flow at first was on point but the more u got into it the longer ur bars started gettin so get that str8.....complexity was ite ur vocab needs improvement..or atleast better word selection.....creaitivity was decent...

overall...7.5/10

peep links in sig fam werd...1

I revised some of it, I wrote this quite quickly within 10 minutes so it died off but here you go..On this part i decided to keep the same rhyme scheme going througout the whole verse i like this alot better.

I Still got work from the ~A.M. to the P.M.~
I Still got work from ~Day out to the day in~
You think that im ~Playin?~ I'll ~Show you that im not~
Ill show you how to turn raw ~Coke into the rocks~
2 Parts soft white, put the ~Potion in the pot~
I gave them Fiends that shit that they ~Tokin in the drop~
But I always made sure i never ~Sold em to the cops~
Now thats the defintion of ~Holdin down the block~
And its always gonna say ~Rolley on my watch~
As long as crackheads stay ~Smokin on the rocks~
Watch me, as the rhymes is ~Rollin off the top~
You a pawn in this game You betta ~Go back to ya spot~
I Should slap them dudes that ~Told em that they Hot~
Talkin all of that, when they ~Knowin that they Not~
Matta fact, Give em 2 me i'll ~Show em that they not~
I Guess they just won't stop until i'm ~Blowin off they top~
Holla!



Heres my 2 links also...

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...=1#post3226514

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...27#post3226527

Feedback on the renewed version!^^^^