Keep An I On Life..

anger in my mind, its been so many times ive been sleepless
politians lying over the media and hiding our history's secrets
hate this life when society will always have a racist vision
dealers selling weed on the streets and the innocent locked in prison
kids all over the world being taught by parents to grow discriminating
convicts tortured when i thought its what our nation would be eliminating
i want a better life for myself to come to a relation with my future
but it just keeps getting worse for us when the pigs attempt to shoot ya
christians and muslims hating each other, lives buried in a rainy night
the wise wonder why it started while getting ready for another daily fight
makes you cry sometimes, Lord help me understand why life is such a bitch
like the sell outs leaving home when they get the chance at getting rich
families seen happy when out of the shell they are fucking broke
pains me to think about it, blocking the image of the chair n the rope
fuck that, i wont obey some SON OF A BUSH even if i have to
so u can rock the stars and stripes while he forgets we have blacks to

just a quick piece.. first time ive done this.

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=236821
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=236797

i like the first 2 lines of yo rap 8/10

If this was really your first piece i'll give you props this was a good piece.
But the flow in this verse was too basic thats the only thing i didnt like about the verse. Try and work on your syllable count the usual rhyming one syllable in a bar is boring and it makes the pieces way too basic. So mix in some multies and internals into your pieces this will help them be more complex.
The thing i really liked about the verse was the emotion you put in there with the words you described your feelings and thoughts about the world in good detail. It was a dark piece too these are the types of shit i write so i was feeling it. Your vocab was used well you didnt overuse it like a lot of people in OM. Next time you write think of an original song concept work on that flow and i think your pieces will improve.

Return the feed on my new OM:
http://www.rapbattles/forum/showthread.php?t=236625

i thought ur piece was dope, u delivered a good message, us black people jus have to put work in, rascisim will never disapear, dats y we gotta stay wit our own.9/10

You need to leave 2 links to 2 open mics that you left decent feedback on or this gets closed, Thanks.

It Has Ups And Downs Yes Basic But Then Again No 2 Peeps Should Fallow Identical Format It Takes Away From Being Unique. I Like Your Display Of Thought It Shows You Have A Taste For Becoming Your Topics Id Like To See More Of This Not Just In Myself But In Several Cats I Have Worked With.you Do Need To Elivate But We All Need That So I Give This Props.

word thanks. ill get the links up soon credz. i didnt know.

Yo it seemed nice, it was some deep stuff i was feelin it...
Your words rhymed and everything it was some crack stay up!
But this seems more like poetry because if it was rapping your bars are sorta long don't you think? For a first timer though, i'd give you an 8/10 like the first guy

babumpabumbum