What I See In The Mirror

ThReE
TwO
OnE


FoLlOw Me

First off, i'm out of shape, my biceps have depleted
i can't hold a job cause i can't stand how I'm treated
My significant other is no longer very significiant
maybe it's because fuckin her is always indifferent
My car got repossessed, and I can't recieve a loan
I'm now one of the many individuals that poverty owns
and my room has a broken window, it's the middle of winter
I can't even sit on my toilet without gettin a splinter
some bitch was drivin, and it was me that the whore hit
I'd go to the hospital but to be honest i can't afford it

"I must be getting old, or just going crazy"

I'm startin to hear voices, always callin out "shane"
so I just ignore evryone who decides to call out my name
My families all dead, but who cares they never loved me
And i can't believe in jesus cause i place no MAN above me
I can't read as well, and things don't make sense like they used to
I have no memory, but i have no friends, so it doesn't matter who's who
My dog bit me the other day, almost as soon as i walked in the door
if not even a dog will love me, what the fuck am I writin for?
Maybe it's just an explanation, so you can understand why
I'm an impatient person, and I know i was born ready to die

"Me Vs. God"

a 6 revolver and one dice will ultimately decide who's bigger
roll once for bullets, and once for how many times i pull the trigger
a 1 and a 5, Lord, why are you attempting to intervene
you need to realize acting is harder than just watchin the scene
You sit up there, and tell us how to act, without taking into consideration
we have reasonable cause to disobey, we're corrupt as a nation
Yeah we have our own choices, but you could fix it if you want to
tell me my savior, how would you feel if our job was to taunt you
besides all that, I'm weak, and growing old, atleast i can admit
I'm a few minutes closer to dyin than when i started writinin this shit

"Is this the end?"

Put the gun to my face, pull the trigger once and than twice
*click, click* "what about my children, and my beautiful wife
Fuck it,there fine, they don't need me, Lets try this again
*Click* god damn, I'm startin to cry from the rush of adrenaline
2 more tries, i can do this come on, stop thinkin about
what you could have goin on
*click* Wow, 4 tries and no projected bullet, this must be a sign
that God has a plan for me to live happy in due time
This was a bad idea, can't wait to see my wife and kiss her lips
Holy shit what I have i done, my finger slipped!!!

BOOOM!

uppin for feed

uppin this........................... feed will be returned

nice topic. unique and sweet. keep it up. i like ur style man. i'll read ya next piece. check out the the battle and the open mic in my sig. THNX
HOLLA_+_

thanks for the feed upping this..................

goddamn it people........................................

This was a decent piece but it lacked a lot of things to make it great.
First off your flow was quite weak in the piece when i write i try to mix in a lot of multies this makes the rhymes sound smoother on an audio.
Your vocab fitted well with the concept which was different.
You came up with some decent imagery you had a couple of nice lines in the verses the line that stood out to me was when you said you cant love jesus cause you place no man above you. That was a nice line this is what the piece really lacked you didnt have enough nice lines to make this piece really stand out. It was a good attempt but try and work in some multies and metaphors into your pieces this will make them better.

Return the feed on my om id appreciate it:
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=235527

keep this shit goin cause this was mad shit
the message was real deep man
ur flow is one of its kind

hip hop for life

thanks yall............ still uppin this ish

This was a half decent piece..but you gotta lose the periods and the *'s
they make it look noobish...apart from that not bad.

aight............. i guess ill edit it then thanks though

stiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiill uppin

aw goddamn uppin......................

Damn man this was a really nice piece... a lot of emotion, I can relate to being at that point in life, having nothing go right n shit.. feeling hopeless.. but man thats the best part about bein down... you get up so much harder nah sayin?

but this shit was dope man.. you're a true writer... peace.

thanks dawg!!!

This shit was hot fam. Story line was crazy and built up real nice. I know plenty people who can relate to this situation. Good imagery at the end and just overall good peice man. Keep flowin dog.
-Play-Boy