Sky's The Limit

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=234167
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...=235279&page=2

Matured in a sullen atmosphere suffused with rue and misery
Sin throughout a concrete jungle forsaken by society
Layoff & casualty rates enlarging in drastic numbers
For years, was the setting where I layed my head to slumber
Cash Flow's sluggish since Im inactive in employment
Bills approaching swiftly & my girl is 2 months pregnant
Displeased over refractory lifestyle assigned before me
If things dont change, then I must make alters at my own efficacy
.
.
Sought after dealing as a way to elude my penury
Assaying to reduce asperity from me and my family
Now able to pay requisite to get us situated
Nice extent of remnants, no more concerns of living squalid
Knew dealing was a losing game, constantly inauspicious
Where I reside, to survive, it depends on your riches
Skeptical it'll occur, persisted augmenting my profit
Thought if the game was craftily played, the sky is the limit
.
.....But I Was Wrong.....
.
Supined in my own blood, trembling widly on the pavement
Anxiously awaiting god to rule the verdict of my judgement
Pleading mercy, dont want my girl afflicted with anxiety
Dont want my seed to mature deprived of father exemplary
Foresaw death or confinement was certain to occur
But still ignored & elongated till it taken me under
If this day marked my demise, it was devised in God's plan
Awaiting my verdict as I abjure my soul in your hands *Passes Out*
.
Day Later, Awakes In A Hospital Bed, Then Recites A Prayer
.
Dear God, I'm so thankful my second chance was granted
And I swear in oath to use this chance to my advantage
I'll make the best of this opprotunity as long as im alive
The Sky is the Limit from here, nothing gonna stop my drive
.
.
Amen

probably coz niggaz in here be tripping but this piece i had to leave feed to. You had a nice structure, good vocab and some strong emotion in there. I feel what you saying keep dropping. This piece was nice

This is one of those pieces where i really like bits of it and hate bits of it.
First the thing i didnt like about it was that you overused your vocab a lot in this piece you were using big words just for the sake of it yes it makes your rhymes look complex but it makes it cryptic for the average reader.
Do you think if you did this as a song the average person on the street would understand it. There's nothing wrong with having a nice vocab just learn how to use it correctly and your shit would be dope. The thing i liked about the piece was the concept and imagery it was an emotional piece so i'll give you props for it. Apart from the vocab i thought the flow was also weak try and mix in some multies into your pieces they will sound much smoother then if you choose to do an audio with this piece, Keep writing and posting.

Return the feed on my new om id appreciate it:
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=235527

The complaxity was on and off flow was pretty constant good meaning and use of vocab although word play could of been more effient then that

The topic was a well travelled one and i felt that stifled the piece a little. You went a little overboard with your vocab but kept your imagery clear and easy to understand. Some multi's would've helped this out in terms of flow. Decent structure and a good twist at the end of the piece. I see you have a developing talent. I expect good things from you in the future.

Keep posting.

iight thanks for the feed

uppin

Not bad. Keep it up.

i like what warchild had to say...n im feelin some....then im not feelin others...you used toooo many big words for my taste and that just made you look like another big worded dick head...n you got nice style in ya lines...choose ya words wisely...if you got knowledge to use em...make sure others know what they mean....i had no idea squalid ment dirty!...i had to look that up...other than that this was nice son


igido