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Observation of a Villain
Seated attentively, eyes forced into tunnel vision
His focus is concentrated, there'll be no division
Viewing a character hated to the level of villain
Not everything verbally stated, some left to fill-in
An unwelcome guest has emerged on the scene
The viewer expects, and is urged to forw'd lean
What he sees next, shun't be heard or be seen
Now a wit-ness, to a murdering done quite clean
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Predispositions are strained to the brink
Natural flaws are unearthed...and with a blink...
This individual act now has a personal theme
Anxious hands grip the armrests, feels like a dream...
The viewer outside himself, his motion is slow
Pent-up attitudes behind the notion to blow
Unable to be placated, using action as the mode...
The villain is self-assured and has a confident glow
Staring back at the viewer, verifying what's been seen
A hand to the thigh, revealing what was so discreet
A pistol's bullet is released from the safety of the seat
As it puts a hole directly... through the movie screen
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nice concept/topic. your wording n' structure is on point, at times its a bit fragmented but that isnt terrible..
Staring back at the viewer, verifying what's been seen
A hand to the thigh, revealing what was so discreet
fit with the last four lines, felt like you made a good transition.
good read, pz.
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DAMN, this was hot. Topic waz fresh and i liked how u structured it. I really could feel the flow in this piece. It nice to see sum good people droppin now. Very nice 8/10
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nice spittin that was hot yea the flow was sweet and the rhymes off the chain
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Mista, edit those links out, they go to this thread
Mcl, you didn't read it
up
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this was a good piece from you homie.You had a really good topic that went with the piece.Also you had a good storyline in this piece which is good too.Also your Imagry and emotion were on point in this piece.And also your structure and wordplay was on point too.Overall I really liked reading this piece and I hope to see more from you soon.Keep up the good work homie
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nioce drop. you had good wording to it and the flow was nice, i liked the topic as well, very thoughtful. it was short but ya two verses were good, interesting shit.
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ha, didnt expect that ending. i really enjoyed this piece. flow was hot and u had some koo multis. a decent variety of vocab as well. nuthin really to criticize, keep it up.
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This was a good piece. I would've wanted to hear more from this, but I guess I had to work with what was there. Good vocab and word usage, very lyrical on some points of this, and an unexpected ending helped. Other than it ending a little too soon, this was good. Keep it up.
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in and of itself i would have to say that this piece only had its concentration in the beginning...the rest was a lil so so...the flow in the beginning and a lil part of the end were nice...other than that your main structure in the middle could use critique...i liked this lil drop tho...stay up
igido
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This was a good piece, the concept was weired and original so i was really feeling it. Your story telling in this piece was impressive it matched well with your imagery, the imagery was very well detailed really in depth.
It set the scent of the piece your vocab was good you didnt overuse it like a lot of people on OM do so i'll give you props for that. The ending was a real nice closer made the verse even better, impressive piece.
The only thing i could criticise was the flow it was very basic try and work on it and mix in some multies this will make your pieces better if you do audios.
Return the feed on my new om id appreciate it:
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=235527
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