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Main Event: Stealth
yeah, this is my first drop and it kinda sucks. sorry for not adding a real title the last time. helpful feedback and like which lines were good and which lines blew so i get an idea of what to keep up. thanks
Yeah man better believe that life is tough/
So many folks wish they had a belly like DJ Enuff/
But buckle down like DMX when the Rydin gets Ruff/
So every night, rollin blunts, freestlying with ya homies/
Dude cracks a joke, ya yanking out ya chromie/
My shit cranks ya ass up like you on Sobe/
You gay cause you pound ass like Em and Obie/
Everything you say is either recycled or cliché/
You screaming for ya breathe as ya body skins in the bay/
You step up to me, I’m whipping out and poppping that K/
Leave your ass 6 feet deep like the late Mr. Ray/
You think you’re a gangsta cause you own a copy of GTA?/
If you fuck with me, I’m gonna let that Mack 10 spray/
Now, enough of that weak shit/
That Memphis Bleek shit/
You so fat, you got a B Cup man tit/
Go try to find a kit to make ya shit legit/
Or just forfeit cause you aint close to the shit I writ/
You should quit or retire cause ya shit be dryer/
Than a 50 year old pussy with no lub supplier/
And I got nuthin left but to say that you’re addicted to Meth/
I bust rhymes and kick flows like the Might Mos Def/
You think its cool stepping to me, thinking your big time/
But when push comes to shove, you’re Buried Alive like Shyne//
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You need to leave 2 links to 2 open mics that you left decent feedback on or this gets closed, Thanks.
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Hmm... as a freestyle i can say this was decent..but other then that it was blah.. you need to elevate..dont end your lines with // cus then it makes it seem like your ending your flow..and making a pause..feel'me .. but overall keep it up make punchlines when you spit..and thing about what you write.. most of your lines were fillers..next time try to put in some creative wordplay..and some nice punchlines
keep it up
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yeah i know it was mostly fillers but it was pretty much the first rap i put together but ill work on the shit u said. thanks man
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You had some straightforward similies, keep working on them, bringing in more complex concepts. Writing to a topic can help you to elevate. You kept outer rhymes going, might have used them to where they got forced. Took you off on another tangent, however there was no set topic in place. If you need to tighten your flow, you can edit your lines, get the meter closer.
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alright thanks man. ya im gonna definitly use a topic next time. for this i was just ryhming for the sake of ryhming alot. thanks for good feeback so far.
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your vocab wasn't too big. but this was okay, nothing really bad to say about it though, besides the vocab needing better work. i was kindof confuced to be honest i didn't really get the whole concept of this but it was great. just seemed like a celebrity party goin on with all those celebrity names poppin up tho. i advise you to use a different subject next time, and rhyme to that see if its more helpful to it making more sense. ok job
hit my piece up in my sig, i'd appreciate that holla
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ok, ill work on vocab but i kinda like keepin it simple. not to try to dumb it down or anything but if i can get off what im trying to say without having words that overarticulate it, it works with me. thanks for the feedback and i checked in with ur shit shante.
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uppin for more feedback on what to improve on
