*Frogotten spirt'*

i'd like ya'll to bare in mind that this is my first ever poem so as much feed as possible would be very much appreciated thankz

lonely kid subsided
forgotten without mention
anger build's frustration
but still no attention

other's pushin the boundry's
adding to my soul's misery
lost within my thinking
now not even i can find me

dont understand my problem's
they just jump to conclusion's
friend's seem so distantant
i guess i made em' to lose em'

my hope's and dream's die
the moment day break's
as i enter the real world
in which my soul excistance is a mistake

it seems no one see's me
but im away's touched
passing through my insecurities
into something i want so much

i have no commoditie's
im a soul without a body
suicide would seem so sweet
if i wasnt dead already

your first poem?

well this is more than decent...nice set up and structure.. plenty of rhyme variations.. in fact i dont belive for a minute this is ur first poem, unless youve done some kinf studying or just got blessed or something... what can i say but nice poem.. and ive wrote a few in my eime

poetry my mouth is the poem

thankz for the feed much appreciated and yes this is my first poem..i've read a fair few but this is the only one i've written...

very nice for a first piece in poetic scrip. You done nicely i can relate to this poem this had good meanings to it nice one. I liked the fact that you were telling it like a short episode in your life, if this is your first, you need to think about doing another!

The word choices and usage that you used on this piece was very chosen. You did a very good job with the deliverance of the poem...

Straight, brief, and to the point...

Solid drop..

I found this to be a little emo, but i did catch some real emotion in this piece. you had a good choice of words and the short, sharpness of the lines made for pretty interesting reading. Vocab was decent as well.

dont understand my problem's
they just jump to conclusion's
friend's seem so distantant
i guess i made em' to lose em'

^this stanzer stood out for me, especially the last line. It seems to you have some wisdom going on, difficult to find on this board. I'm gonna say good work and keep on posting.

And thanks for the rep.

uppity

uppin