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!!! My Room !!!
Heres a verse i done earlier. I put quite alot of effort into this piece so appreciate if u jst chek it out.
Feed:
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...08#post3149508
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...743#post3147743
chek it,
I sit alone, silently confined in my dark room,
Inadiquite to speak trapped in this hard coccon,
The walls close in, adapting to a discarded tomb,
One window for parted gloom, headfones strapped on tight,
With a repetitive beat my brain collapses from trite,
Batters my brain for lyrics or for another rap to write,
Perhaps there right, maybe I'll collapse under this heat,
Of this constant spotlight no wonder im sunburnt in defeat,
And sundered from my feet back to plundering on the street,
But I never will fall I will always keep my chin up high,
Never work half harted coz they say the limits da sky,
Or the skys the limit, my brain remains baffled and confused,
My hearts pumpin so fast my veins look trampled on and used,
Stressin each particle in my head, they sampled and refused,
For a handful of words to use, just to make a little sentence,
Going against whats right forced to make a requital repentance,
I aint done nothing wrong im jst desperate to reign in lights,
Commitin my first honest crime with a handgun aimed right,
Towards my brain flashbacks of my framed and blamed life,
Squeeze the trigger
..
.dead................I bet everyone knows my name tonite.
Hope u enjoyed reading.
Feedback plz guys.
Peace :D
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I post to bare people, but no1 hits me up, we all lookin 4 advice.
uppin
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good multi's and decent wordplay
room 2 elevate but definitly got potential
good job
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Thnx bro, appreciated.
uppin
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I'm feelin the lyrics, but I cant spit it and flow with it. I cant figure out how you put it together, u feel me? All in all its a real gravy verse it's hittin!
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Thnx bro, yeh i was jst finkin it wuld b hard to read if i was sum1 else. But i dun it to a beat on my keyboard and it goes fine lol. Dnt know it has got a kinda weird flow thou.
Keep em comin :D
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Yo This D1 That Shit Was Poppin Son Keep Writin Dog
D1
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..So i was thinking you might want real feed
This suprised me because ive not seen anything of you before...
Although i dont like your idea of making tha multis and such obvious with tha bold font.. they were on point and made this piece very good....
Iunno why but i have an issue with how long this is.. maybe its cos you were doing well in this piece so i wanted to see more
There was a few lines that didnt fit with my flow of reading, and maybe tha closing line didnt fullfill its potential,
It sounds like im critisising everything.. but everything i havent metioned was nice
Great piece
Return tha feed on mine ''Story of hansel and grettle''?
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=232345
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thnx for the feed guys, appreciated.
keep em comin
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40 views and 10 replies.
Can i get any feedbak plz guys?
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yo those lyrics is hot...but it aint gat no flow....nice job kid....just work the beat
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Thnx bro, it seems to flow well wen i read it.
uppin
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