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The Pain Of Love.
The Pain Of Love.
You were the love of my life, Thru darkness you were the sun in the sky
You were the one I could look up to,... Even after the fuss and the fights
The scuffs and the cries, The toughest of times now turn hugs to goodbies
We barely keep in touch or say high,... Ever since that accident occuried
We've been subtracted from words but deep inside my passion still burns
I'm famished yet hurt, My sadness gets murked ripped up an blown apart
Alone with these emotional thoughts, I think of you and your broken heart
I know I'm wrong, I guess instead of arrows,... Cupid was throwing darts
Even though it scars, I know your still willingly to greet me with open arms
But I wish this could all just unfold before it starts, But it's already too late
You must of knew I was gonna cheat, Becuase I can tell you edit my grade
As I layed there naked in shame, I was speachless, Words cannot express
Just by lookin atchur facial expression I could tell you were a nervous reck
But its not worth all the stress & all the hurt and the mess that I put u thru
Ever since you up & mov'd you gave me space but you also took the moon
Now days its hard to look at you, Ever since you left me I feel empty inside
Feels as if Im missing from life, wish you could just be here with me all night
I miss your kisses goodbye, only if you new how much I miss you, you'd cry
My issuies are blind,.... I still hear your whispers when I picture your thighs
Your fixture's some kind of mixture combined,.. I'm goin crazy with out you
The insanity is makin me doubt you, I'm steamin hot like hades in foul moods
Jus the thought is breaking my down to, I don't think I can no longer take it
So take this note as a late gift, Since im dead I told my soul to make it
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I originally made this verse on my alies Sir Cul.
And decided to make it an OM here.
Tell me what ya think guys.
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I really like this piece from you it was real emotional to me.This was also real creative too and I like that.Also I liked your structure too.but when I read some of it to me some of it didn't rhyme.But you had good wordplay though and a really good storyline in your verse.Overall this is some pretty dope shit from you man.Keep up the good work.If you get a chance leave feedback in one of my OMs
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I liked the concept of your open mic...But I didn't like how you used your Vocab...A lot of this didn't rhyme....You had a good topic and good verses...Just none of it rhymed...So it was more like a story.......Structure was fine...Try rhyming more lines in your next spit....It will make concepts like this sound a lot better and make them easier to read....I don't like reading storys...I like reading raps...SO!! Less story telling more rapping...Good peice other than that....PEACE DUDE.....Btw comment in my open mics...Give me some critical ADVICE or just leave comments...Peace out....
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^^^^ ROFL. Never fucking post feed on my OM again. It all rhymed idiot.
Up.
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it was good homie, i was feelin the topic, and the flow, the vocab was Ok
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