my life part 1 (up till i was 9)

im growing up in a world full of pain and violence
wondering when il see the end of sirens and only hear silence (x2)


at 6 years old my uncle died, he was an honest man full of pride
i cried but not at school i hided my feelings from inside,instead i used my mom to confide
all my thoughts and feelings i left them with her,like a curse from a kid
she had to come up with reasons to tell me why that man did what he did
but i allways knew the truth, that the man that killed em was a dickhead
my uncle died and all i can do is make a thread, sometimes i wish they took me instead
i pray for him everyday,no matter where i am, in bed,at school or in a cafe
i find time for him nomatter what,but all i remember is my mom saying it was okay
how can it be okay when hes dead, lying buried and laid to rest
then again i was blessed to have an uncle who took a slug to the chest
cause now i know that if u wanna go toe to toe you gotta come correct
and stand up to them dirtu pussys like a h.i.v infected penis when its erect

im growing up in a world full of pain and violence
wondering when il see the end of sirens and only hear silence (x2)


at 9 years old i was told my oldest brother was no more
he got shot 6 times on the middle of a dance floor
everyone stopped doing shit but no-one said a thing
just watched my brother fall like a bird witout its wings
people say if your white then your life is easy and your rich
yeah well let me tell you something my lifes been a bitch
im 11 and already i seen 3 family members die
it was like soilders turned angels in a blink of an eye
people say cos i aint black i dont have a right to rap
well im sick off that shit im sick of this crap
im sick of my life and the way that im treated
im sick of allways watching my mom gettin beated
im sick of my brothers allways being cheated
im sick of wars and sick of watching nations being defeated
this life is bullshit i cant stand the way that me and my family are living
i pray to god every night cause i want my evil thoughts to be forgiven
see just cos im white dosnt mean i dont have emotions
and just cos im white it dont mean my family gets promotions
this computer aint even mine it belongs to my cousin
so no matter what you say and what happens as far as my family goes i will allways love em'

im growing up in a world full of pain and violence
wondering when il see the end of sirens and only hear silence (x2)




leave feed please this spit means alot to me...so if its good or bad just leave feed plzz



my links:


http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=224132
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=225211

woa, i was listenin to a song and while listen to it i'm reaidn this and sounded pretty good together, nice rhymes, i liked the topic, interesting, this had a story type style here, i like that too, good flow and strucutre, vocab and complexity needs elevation but its still a good drop, good jon, keep it up, keep droppin, and most of all keep elevating

thanks alot..and what song were u listening to lol??.. uppin for feed

uppin....it wasnt that bad was it??

I know this is a emotional open mic, so what I say iz jus some constructive feedback. im not hating. but take it how you want.

i like the emotion. itz cool and i felt it off the verse which is good that your connectin wit ya readerz. BUT ya structurez a stretched in places, which brings the flow down. try and have eqaul syllablez in your barz so the reader AND YOU can read it wit flow.

on the positive i saw alot of nice linez wit some text techniques in there. and jus some linez which i wuz feelin.

''just watched my brother fall like a bird witout its wings''
''it was like soilders turned angels in a blink of an eye''

those are probz my favs. outta the whole verse, but there were other too that i liked.

the hook wuz simple but effective, but instead of having 2 linez repeated for it. i'd make it into 4 linez cos theres alot more that you could summarized into it.

no hate.

1luv

Bad feedback.