The Overall Effect

Chronic insecurity, rebirth of humiliation, taunted in your early days and now reserved with little patience,
No faith in me, true desperation to mistust all that i speak and fail to get too close, prefer to turn the other cheek,
You swore I was your everything, you held me tight at first but if ever I left without you, you'd always expect the worst,
Question me about my whereabouts, the second I got home and request to see 'caller ID' soon as I came off the phone,
You'd bitch and moan, I bought into it, scared of losing you and apologised for all the things you made me believe i shouldn't do,
As the months dragged on, your paranoid obsession deepened, you'd going out drinking every night, and sleep it off on weekends,
Left alone I'd wander, stumbling along paved streets, breath reeking of alcohol, make up bleeding down my cheeks,
Pleading for redemption, and freedom from the chains of a broken, distant relationship, with loss, but futile gain,
You drove me to contemplation, that I may have been the cause, of all neglect and suffering, destroyed everything there ever was,
And the guilt ate at my concience, internally bleeding, cold inside, until I put off making love to you, and instead just sat and cried,
Tears falling to the floor, every spare minute I'd wipe my eyes this unhealthy perseverance, blinded me from furthur lies,
You'd leave for work early, before I'd rose from a restless sleep, unfulfilled, spiralling depression, leaving me unwelcome; weak,
The tablets didn't help me, i found refuge within the dark, empty, agrophobia, afraid of peoples cruel remarks,
You'd return and head upstairs, prefering not to see my face breathing heavily as you passed me, as if my sight brought you disgrace,
Anger became your outlet, and who was I to sit and plea? shouting, screaming, swearing, yet this was what you did to me,
Your startling immaturity,and grossly tainted accusation, of infidelity on my part, soon was our only topic for conversation,
You'd yell and spit at me, in sheer frustration, no one knew this demonstration of violence only connected me to you.
The hatred in your pupils, almost burning through my skin, it tore my flesh apart inside, it killed me from within,
And it hurt, oh God, it hurt...to know how insulted i made you feel, embarrassment, resentment, sheer hatred, cold, surreal.
Like nothing I'd ever seen before, every punch, it served its due, I only wish you'd hold me close, thats all I crave from you.

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=220655
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=220732
My linkies...

and Mik...wtf? sarcasm?
You guys could actually do me a favour, edit your freeposts, and reply to my verse.. now wouldn't that be better for everyone?

Very poetic feel to this drop, maybe also because it did not really have a obvious flow, more of a rhythm that remained consistent throughout the drop. I'm loving the concept you went with even though it might have been used a lot of times before, you still managed to make it your own. The strongest aspect in my opinion is your emotion: it has a sort of serenity over it yet at the same time a deep strength as well. Your imagery comes in as a close second though because you portrayed vivid pictures expressing thoughts of person and the overall situation as well. The vocabulary was definitely on point, had an excellent balance between basic and complex.

Some of my favorite lines:

The hatred in your pupils, almost burning through my skin, it tore my flesh apart inside, it killed me from within,
And it hurt, oh God, it hurt...to know how insulted i made you feel, embarrassment, resentment, sheer hatred, cold, surreal.
Like nothing I'd ever seen before, every punch, it served its due, I only wish you'd hold me close, thats all I crave from you.

Loving it!

thanks alot for the reply Drama!!

always comin with tha illness as usual boo boo...i loved this one....this had very poetic elements...vocab was way above par....your wordplay and complexity..extravagant.....every little bit of your piece was put together quite intricately....i liked it mos def...as always.....your detail in you imagery and your emotion was flawless and raw..very well guided verse...a dope piece as usual..would you reply to tha link in my sig titled When the Sky Falls...id appreciate it....i havent seen you on here in a while.....maybe ive just been missin you by inches but what ever...nice to see you back on RB and droppin dopeness..keep droppin tha hottness boo.

Poetry in a very small font babe! The imagery was strong as hell and i caught some multi's which helped the flow along nicely. Your use of vocab was good for the most part, strong, but not over the top which is definately a good thing. The weakness of this piece was the layout, if you cut your lines up smaller and increased the size of the font it would've made the piece easier to read. I enjoyed the topic, it felt like it was from the heart and kept me reading. Hope your man straightens himself out if this is based on him.

Keep posting, Def Poets!

Quote:

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Left alone I'd wander, stumbling along paved streets, breath reeking of alcohol, make up bleeding down my cheeks,

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Great imagery and a very emotional strong piece here Holly, at first look people will comment on the lines but I think you have no boundaries with this, and you used the line-length to great effect. You emotion was thouroughly strong throughout, with a twinge of an aching voice shining through; Meaning you expressed this so well to the point people may consider this your real-life experience, I know its not.. I hope its not... But you came at it so well it was very believable adn made me feel sorry for your charecter. You showec tremendous wordplay and vocabulary for a subject like this, you pushed it as far as it would go and peaked where it had to, this just shows oozing talent and creativity on your part. I love the font size :love: Thanks for that, now someone else can see why I use it! Your opener set the stage for a fine piece, and the closing lines ended dramatically and emotionally well, you edged this piece all you could and you shone through with it. The above line I quoted was the best I read here, some real deep and poetic imagery I was really feeling, your flow didnt see to matter in this piece as it was simply a poem in Open Mic form in my eyes, Im glad to say I know you and even more glad we're side by Side FanTa!

be good,
Bless you

awwww!!! i love you guys!

don't sleep on me im drunk and upset

great peaice ive enjoied all of your work so far this was a dramatic and poetic peice the voacbulary was rahter intresting the flow upset me a tad bit and some times but other then that it was hot its was emotional and had great imegry of what you were feeling great peice

check my om;s if you have a fat chance

thanks for the reply homie, yeah I'll peep yours.