Mid-Nightmare Heist

Mid-Nightmare Heist
In the middle of the night, in the heart of the heist,
Were ready to pull it off, and cart off the ice,
Been planning this for nights... were ready to do it right,
But it all rides on me, and what I see this time,
We climb to the roof, gear up - So far were fine,
Pitch Black - Like were Blind, Flick the goggle switch,
Lights Bright, Seeing green... My hands start to twitch,
Crack the glass... Grab the ropes - Were ready to get rich,

Then I Toss and I Turn - My Eyes Begin to Burn,
This Money That I'll Steal, Will I have to Earn,
I Flip then I Kick - My Eyes Begin to Itch,
Are we Gonna Pull the Heist, Will I End Up Rich?

The Skylight Shatters - No Signal of Alarm Yet,
We Repel Through the Glass, I break a Bizarre Sweat,
Remembering... As We Finish The Drop,
Exactly How I'm Going to have To break this Lock,
Hit the ground - Make no Sound, The Room Silent,
Spray The Mist in the Air - The red Lasers look Violent,
Crack the Code, The systems down - I Commence to Pant,
I Gotta work Fast, The system is only Down for an Instant,

Then I Toss and I Turn - My Eyes Begin to Burn,
This Money That I'll Steal, Will I have to Earn,
I Flip then I Kick - My Eyes Begin to Itch,
Are we Gonna Pull the Heist, Will I End Up Rich?

Carefully Making my Way to where The Diamond Is Encased,
The Most Difficult Burglary So-Far that I've Faced,
My Heart Began to Race - As I Cut the Casing of the Jewel,
Hesitantly Reaching In - After I Pocket My Tools,
Grasp The Stone - Removing the Gem it From where it Sits,
I Grab the Rope and Pull, And My Feet Begin to Lift,
A Red Flash Gleams, and Shines off the Shiny Walls,
Half-Way To the Roof The Sirens Begin to Bawl,

Then I Toss and I Turn - My Eyes Begin to Burn,
I've Already Fucked Up Twice, Will I ever Learn?
I Flip then I Kick - My Eyes Begin to Itch,
The Heist Just Turned to Shit... Why Is Life A Bitch?

I Hear the Blaring
...As I Think "Shit I Knew It."
Did We Pull off the Heist, I Won't Ever Know...
................Cause My Alarm Clock Just Blew It.

I like this on u madd nice U go into the details like I'm there good topic to cause nobody would think of that but u just need to elevate more but u dope
RTF on mine
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...87#post2905487

-Linkz-
-Daz - From His View
-Eazy - End of the World

a little above average.....you got potential....good structure...good rhyme scheme...you need to elevate your imagery...and your vocab a bit...keep elevatin~1~

i dont know why everyone is saying you need to elevate. i thought this story was told very well. just because you didnt use 39079473 big words doesnt mean you need to elevate. this story was crisp as hell. i really liked it and it is almost good enough for a nom in my books. just fell a bit short of that for me though. i thought the details and rhymes and transitions were all very nice. you moved the story with ease and didnt make it too wordy. really nice story.

please return the favor
my om: http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=219590

A good topic man, the kept the story moving and kept the flow on point with decent multi's. The lines were a little short but you stayed in the charecters thought process to keep this interesting. The hook was kind of weak but the versdes made up for it. More slightly stronger vocab would help as well. A decent read though.

Keep posting and please return the favour: http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=219372

That is a fantastic rap write-up. As good as my new asphalt roof in Chino Hills.
Fred with https://roofingchinohills.com/