It Was You All Along (SS piece)

http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=214804

http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=214755


It Was You All Along

The headlines hit like a wave of water "3 people murdered,
Such inhuman violence, this town has never heard of."
Cereal spilled and cutlery dropped around breakfast tables
As the papers opened to shed light on this horrific fable
Myself, I stood stunned "What's this neighbourhood coming to?"
One girl was a teenager; look at her clothes with blood running through!”
This psychopath was fucked up, probably needed tranquilisers
And some work on his skull with a pair of pliers

I swear I dreamt about this last night, in sweat-clad sheets
Horrific images, dirty scrimmages, screaming and broken teeth
A house I’d never seen before in perfect, crystal clarity
Unfamiliar faces pleading for a maniac’s charity
I shrug the image off, it was a dream, I think I believed
Then I glance down and see some red ink on my sleeve
The copper-like smell hits me like a punch in the face
Plus this kind of physical exhaustion like I’d been running a race

The doctor’s called it involuntary unconsciousness, Narcolepsy
Sometimes the world would turn off like the spark had left me
I’d come to in strange environments, memory a blank slate
Yet vague images would surface at a much later date
And now my body’s trembles at my subconscious fear
And the lights begin to flash as the police arrive here
As the door breaks from the pounding the revelation is sure
“It was me all along.” And then my vision blurs…

Johnny this was fucking iLL I Read it the other day for the SS Bit and was going to reply but didn't get round to it lol

it's so amazing how you can make your words come to life.
And this Piece was fucking Tight i mean the way you unfolded the twist throughout the Three paragraphs was iLL, i know the topic you where given was ''it was you all along'' or summat and you took that topic and made a Dope piece out of it.
The Multis Where Dope And The Imagery Was Astounding
You always have the right amount of vocab in your pieces, never too much and never too little.

Keep Dropping Your Dopeness And For All You Who Read This Reply To Mine And Johnny's Collabs They're Funny:)

PaRa

I'll say what I said in SS... You, as you always do, wrote very well... The storyline was creative and you conveyed it well... I enjoyed reading it, the emotion was clear which made it truly interesting. The confusion of the main character was explained carefully and was very interesting. It was definately an enjoyable piece, but not necessarily your best. I've seen some truly great stuff from you and I know you have it in you. I think what was missing here, for me, was metaphor and simile... They're needed to add to the imagery and make a really strong link... It also makes your verse very sophisticated and complex.

I hate to be hard though cos this was a good piece... Keep it up... If you could leave feed on the link in my sig I'd appreciate it.

Very well written piece...

It was well worded and everythin' complimented the other aspects of the piece. Flow was steady and simple but very effected. Structured well and was creative throughout to keep me interested. Overall was a really good drop, keep at it.

Can you leave feed on the link in my sig please, thanks

str8 nice fosho.. flow and rhymes was much more than decent, imagery and suspense was on point all the way..vocab packing a punch.. concept intriguing throughout the piece



hot drop main fosho

not alot to be added to what those guys have said already
the piece cut straight to the chase and didn't prolong the story
the flow was nice..had good structure and overall the verse is mechanically sound
imagery and writers voice were good
it was a little bit predictable towards the end of the verse, but it didnt take the shine off the story telling
your writing has come a long way
props

fin

that was a very decent piece of art work... i dont know if you could have made it better you came hard as hell and you get madd props from me if you dont get none from no one else.. keep it coming and keep it hard

Good piece buddy...Close match between us.I liked how you started it.The imagery kicked in fast,and you got my attention.Very vivid in some places i might add.The emotion was strong and it made me feel the piece better.The flow and rhymescheme were nice,i've seen you do better(i would've liked a more complex rhymescheme),but it worked with the piece.I don't know what to fault in this except that,you could've made me get inside your character's head a bit better so i could feel better the emotion.Anyway good piece Johnny.Peace!

The storyline was nice and easy to follow... The flow was also pretty sick and smooth... I liked the imagery alot, that was prolly my favorite part of this J6F... The details were also nice... Stay Up...

very nice piece good storyline which was easy too follow..some good imagrey the flow was on point and very smooth he detail's wever good however the imagrey wss my favourite part off this piece..very nice job keep up the good shit ight 1

can you hit up my OM in my sig it'll be much appreciated as its gettin slept on ight 1

Ok piece

I think this was a little too short, but .. for what It did have, I liked the ending. I could predict the main character was the actual killer half way through the second paragraph, try to add less hints and more story details, like more about the murder, etc
I felt the first paragraph didn't really meaure up to the other two, It had less imagry. The vocab was good, flow was easy going, and the sheme was average, but for what you had.. it was a solid read.

Pz.

rtf |The Alien's Technique|

**kicks thread up and does a little dance**

Open Mic nomination!! Woot! Cheers for the feedback.

very ill man.....concept was orginal and ill..your vocab and wordplay reall stood out...your structure was tight....you had complexity and direction ins yuor rhyme...all in all this piece was a very ill drop...keep droppin tha hottness.~1`

Another dope piece john as usual, i like the concepts you use i havent read a piece of yours that was basic so im always impressed with your verses.
The concept was original a real nice twist towards the end, your vocab was real nice so the imagery came out real strong in these verses.
Your structure was fine, the flow and multies were on point as usual so i couldnt hate on nothing in this piece, keep writing.

Return The Feed:
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=215428

warm n easy, yea this wa sa gd story old 6feetith, i didnt liek the lay out tho but that doesn't really matter. i think it was an intersting read n yea u can write good, n u should beable to with all the acting you do and script writing you do. thsi aitn my style of rap but theres nothign wrong with it, all thats important is that u didnt go over any lines n u kept in the margin, gd work son this is going up on the fridge, theres a mars bar on the kitchen side when you get home,big kiss. LMAO