The Last Day Facing Earth

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...77#post2703677

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...90#post2703690

if this was the last day id see the face of the earth..
..i'd be sure to tell my baby we'll reunite at rebirth
tell all my friends i'm behind them thru whatever's worth
make sure they have the courage to pull through n make it work

if this was my very last day on earth..i'd be a crook
..i'd break every damn regulation set in the book
i'd leave haters shook, i'd be hated by the embacy
massacre civilians faster than they'd set my penalty
i've been sent from hell you see, with only one day left
down to my last hour id smoke weed to my last breath
rape women i wouldn't cuz where im going theres no prison
seen visions before, this new level opens the door to fuckin women
and this visions been seen with precision without intention
but back to the state of matter to my attention
not a fed could prevent me from regulating
i'll go down my hate list, send them to hell like Satin
and this last night there'd be no need for masturbation
jus grab a chick n fuck her brains while shes still wasted
i'd rob a bank just to be livin lavish for an hour
wear diamonds like a king pretending i have the power
like happy hour i'd get drunk, pass out n then collapse
bust caps at whips like they're junk as time elapses
i'll make divine rap pieces like noone done before
so say goodbye cuz soon i wont be alive anymore

my last day on earth would be my last day of work
my last day of thirst n my last day a jerk
last day of no prayin cuz where im goin- truth hurts
first day as a pervert, last meals still dessert
last day to make each hour worth undescribable words
the last day to have the time of my life to occur
and my very last second with my eyes open blurred
but thats if this was my last day on planet earth

give me some feedback please..

Aiight Man Flow Was Good Dawg, This Was A Good Piece Here, The Rhyme Scheme Decent Man, Structure Was Cool, Vocabulary Used Some Pretty Decent Words Here That Hasn't Hardly Bin Used In Rap Which Was Good Man The Flow On THis Piece Was Very Good Here, Opener Was Nice Man, And The Closer, Very Good Man Keep Shits Dropping Dope

didnt much care for the ryhme scheme here, but decent wordplay and imagery here. flowed really nice, vocab was good at times, would like to hear it as an audio over a phat beat. could work on the ryhme scheme, and at times kinda drug it out a bit, didnt much care for the ending but can always find something u dont like about a piece....

"i'd rob a bank just to be livin lavish for an hour
wear diamonds like a king pretending i have the power
like happy hour i'd get drunk, pass out n then collapse
bust caps at whips like they're junk as time elapses
i'll make divine rap pieces like noone done before
so say goodbye cuz soon i wont be alive anymore"

^^^^^very nice few bars here....elevate with ur next drop, ur off to a good start here with this piece.

werd...i must admitt ya flow ..on point ya vocab was above par ya scheme was iffy but overall werdplay n definitly flow was main focus on this piece........good imagination...overall out come of this peice was decent fam....

::dats wassup:::

thanks for the feed guys, uppppppin

Yeah, nice flow, nice vocab (in sum parts), and on the point...
I wud say that ur topic was a bit over-used, seen it dropped a lot, get original ideas and you'll be hot...Also, sum more metas, similies and multis wd have been nice, so improve wordplay also...
Work on those things and keep droppin... 8/10
~PEACE~