What A Stupid Bitch

My Two Replies:
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...804post2659804
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...824post2659824


What A Stupid Bitch

She was 5'1, cute and sweet, with an IQ of three.
But her mis-shaped pussy seemed a little to loose to me.
I'm not used to these, bitches who visit the community.
And I swear I saw aids fly off the kiss she blew at me.
Now I smacked the bitch, being to laugh and shit.
I out class this chick, she's the type to out last the dick.
Vast and sick, I thought does she have a ass to hit.
Now I got a baby with her and I have no cash to get.
She seems crazy, spanish, yet has different raced babies.
Lately, I sit back and she tells me how much she hates me.
It doesn't phase me, makes me want to tell her she's lazy.
She feeds her kids once a day, I feed her pussy 3 times daily.
As the picture, becomes bigger, she loses her figure.
She'll die of aids, or be tooken away at the pull of a trigger.
The pain rips her, her legs spread like a pole stripper.
Every town has a stupid bitch, juss something to consider.

Any feedback people.....................leave a link

man , seriously i cant say i liked this at all, far too many one syllable rhyming going on, it just seemed to make it come off the tongue a bit, ya know, funny... and the actual topic didnt interest me, id get something new to write about...
i know it might seem harsh what i wrote, its not meant to be, just honest my opinion, could you hit my latest drop, its near the top... thnx

Done and I know this one sucked, I am juss bored out my mind literally upping for more feedback

Anymore feedback, come on I give lots of feedback too,.....

Ok...negative and Positive things about this piece...

Positive:
your flow was good and i could follow it easily
rhymes well.....rhymed? just pointing that out cause in some drops they dont
and nothing else

Negative:
the topic was weak, it made me wanna puke
some of it doesnt make sense
vocab sucked

Overall Rating: 4.5/10

but dont quit, if you make the topic more interestig you will be very good.

thanx for the advice....

i liked it... keep up the good work

thanx

overall average piece, the ;ast line was good adn the flow was there. The vocab could increase and the rhyming technique needs to be more than one syllable words.

The concept was well used and the wording was ok. multies stood out here and some emotion... this could be related to and it seemed original for a "stupid bitch" concept... i liked the way u ended it, because it made it seem like there's much more to the message of the piece, like a subliminal poem.
peace and keep at it.

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=207587

Nice Word Play
U Had A Pretty Solid Concept, and U Stayed On Topic
Very Tight
Try To Expand Your Vocab
But MAdd Props On Originality
Keep Droppin

peep my now and forever,
demolish

Well...you definetly stayed on topic. unlike the first reply, i saw some good multis and the amount of syllables stayed constant. The only problem to me is the topic didnt bring out your rhyming skills. Definetly can be better, but its still good. I say, 7.5/10

ok more vocabulary first off but it was easy to read and comprehend, the topic wasnt one i wouldve picked but it worked for you i guess there were parts i thought were humorous i dont know if that was the intended tone but i laughed more than once, and uh ladtly keep it up i liked it as a whole it seemed like a personal experience so it was cool.

um bit of a piss about peace here
i feel. nothing great vocab seriously
lacked some funny bars tho..structure
was fine you need to add more complexsity
and inners tho although i dont feell
that is what you were going for here?