Smile For Me

Smile For Me

Rain drops don't change the emotion that stands still
When i'm looking deep into the picture of gods will
I fill up with loyalty trust and a more valuable dignity
Whispery voices in dreams talk of what Vicy did for me
In all honestly, lately things in my life don't sit alone
The voices in my head are talking in a different tone
Clouds above grown, apart the sun shines on my face
A brand new day I stand at a starting line of a new race
In a new place, this world seems unique with quality
Love, hope, truth in your eyes I see positive veriaty
Found purity, to a poisened soul with constant distress
One kiss, from your lips I opened my eyes to happiness
Wont wish, on a shooting star & place our love in gods hands
Hold you tight tell you I love you make sure you understand
I'll do whatever I can, to make forever not a conversation
A fortune that happened between two love birds destination
Perfect comunication, even though we don't always see eye to eye
We both no if there's a problem for I you'll be there for I
And I, would do the same to ease the negitive soil on the foundation
Cause you tuaght me what you create is a more beuatiful creation
This loves amazing...

Smile for me baby girl, show me the trust inside...
That's happily alive..show me your perfect smile...

Each day I wake up to more bullshit but i look at your picture
Remember all the good times we've had an a smile starts to figure
I put my finger, on your face inside a frame touching you softly
You're the angel at my side so I believe this love is truly godly
God gave me, a life i'm sick of in general but all of the sudden
Things changed when I met you I started waking up for something
Craven the cuddlen, obsessed with the happiness I see I give you
Knowing in my heart I love you mor then life and the feelings true
I'd say 'I Do', but we're to young to get engaged and start a family
So I bought you a promise ring I thought you can pretend with me!

I Love You...

It's bin a long time sence I wrote you but I just wanted you to know
You're the sunshine in the morning and the very reason the stars glow
Ripples flow, all directions they never stop we symbolize our love by them
October 12 2004 we started the ripples that'll function over & over again
Forever...loves a ripples and ripples never end...
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I told you...i'll make you smile again.


I've replied to a lot of users pieces with good feedback, I would apreciate the same.


-Ad Lib

Stop Sleeping.

Up.

yo hommie sounds like someone in love! lol! i mean i try not to get to that state in a relationship, but i know what u mean a lil. I personally think verse 2 was the hottest only because i can relate more to that then the rest.
Creativity - 6/10
Truth - 10/10
Structure 9/10
Language/Words - 6/10 (words were nice but used commonly)
Overall i would give it a love title and rate it 6.5/10 Keep it up
What do i know.........I'm just a newbie...lol

^^A newbie??? If you can write you can write, feedback is good and i'll use it for my next drop, thanks.

Ad..
This was a nice piece man I really liked the emotion that this piece had and the metaphors were real nice as well man.. The flow was nice and consistent.. The imagery was moderate it wasn't as good as it could have been but it was nice.. Keep writing man..

Thanks Benny.

Up.

Personal peice, straight from the chest. I like how its almost comming straight from the heart and being said. Rather a train of thought.

You should revise a few times, there are some typos. Overall I like this, should acually write this out and give it to her.

yea this was mos def a dope read........


like everyone else i can easily see that you put mad emotion into this. Everything flowed well....you had nice imagry....strong tone....pretty much an all around good peice son. Only thing is your spelling sometimes was like wtf he say lol.....but this was a great read. keep doin yo thang, 1