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Dreams and Signs
i feel like i am goin crazy maybe insane
i sart havin signs of badness and pain
i start havin dreams about a candy cain
i also had one about drownin in rain
i had a day dream about goin down the drain
i had a sign that there might be a candy lane
i had a vision of killin a person on the street
i also had a vison of a great new hit wit a beat
i was listenin to it.... it made me tap my feet
i was actin weird and crazy... and made the cops retreat
i started droppin bombs like fuckin sleet
i had dreams about a person i want to meet
i had sign that sum one was goin die close to me
i had a nightmare that i got killed by my enemy
i also had another nightmare that about my homie
i had a day dream.. and got woken cuz i couldnt see
i had a dream that i was alergic to bees and got stung by one
i started to scream, yell, and tried to find the gun
i had a dream about people gettin scared and start to run
i had a sign of the end of the world becuz there will be no sun
i had a dream the my girlfreind gave birth to a son
i tried to feel the way that evryone felt...man
i had a nightmare that i lost all of my fans
i had a nightmare bein attacked by soda cans
i had a sign that i would knock my head into a wall
i had a great dream that i was the best player in B Ball
i had a dream that at midnight i got a scary call
the next week i had a dream i got healed
the only thing that didnt was my sex appeal
:laugh:
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The first thing that stands out is how you start every line with "I." This makes the drop look very unpresentable. The piece came off as empty statements, all the lines taken at face value. I can picture the concept having potential if done well. What could be taken as humor in the drop is closer to getting stuck on a rhyme. With more description, bringing in less dreams and going into detail about a handful, the piece could have been better. You really have to lose the "I had"s, which were annoying from the beginning. It takes up syllabes that could be used on describing. Practice will help you improve your rhyming, and you won't get stuck as much.
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ok.... homie..... the rhymes were pretty damn good.... the flow was good... the strucure was incredible..... the topic was ok.... the lines started with "I" about 98% of the lines... but anwyaz... good drop and keep it up... :) keep it up and keep elelvating and keep improving as well... have a good day
