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Nothing To Gain
I guess my feedback links didn't work so I will post 2:
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=205509
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=205590
Here's a song I was working on called Nothing to Gain, It's only my 2nd one, so sorry if it is bad
[VERSE 1]
I'm rapping daily, to afford beer and bailleys,
I'm told to make hype, and create rapping melee's
The media molds me and gives me an identity
And now my words don't mean the same thing that they meant to me
Back in Cali when they told me I could be the next Dre
I signed the contract, said goodbyes, and they took me away
Was it worth it, Was I right, Or was I mistaken?
I've awaken from my dreams, to find my dreams have been breaken
Its to late to turn back, its to late to back out
I have No doubt, they dont get, wat I'm pissed off about
But I'll tell them this, and they better be hearing
will my fans still be cheering, when I'm disappearing
Cause I'm in some trouble now I didn't take the laws serious
I didn't mean to pull the trigger I guess that I was just curious
And like a rain drop that falls off a tree and condenses
I'll disappear and go to jail, cause I've committed offenses
[CHORUS]
Like Loydd I'm on fire, There aint no body higher,
I've got every rapping quality that you could desire,
Before I retire, I'll acquire, the whole rapping live wire,
I'll be remembered as the greatest lyric supplier
But what if thats for now, And my Raps run short
I make a wrong move, and my fans dont support
I get in fights with others rappers, and fights with other crews
I've got nothing to gain, But Everything to lose
[VERSE 2]
Well times have changed, and Changes Occured
Fans dont care about words, Image is preferred
We cant rewind time, These changes can't be cured
Where did we go wrong, This shit's too absurd
I may not have flow like luda, or a Voice like Usher
But My Rhymes are insane, I'm an alphabet crusher
But still, good rhymes, they just aren't enough to stand out
'Let It Burn' What the fuck is that guy talking about?
I'd go around the world, to embrace my acts,
But sooner or later, I'd have to face the facts
That some times one man, he cant change the game
But I can make sure, you all remember my name
[CHORUS]
Like Loydd I'm on fire, There aint no body higher,
I've got every rapping quality that you could desire,
Before I retire, I'll acquire, the whole rapping live wire,
I'll be remembered as the greatest lyric supplier
But what if thats for now, And my Raps run short
I make a wrong move, and my fans dont support
I get in fights with others rappers, and fights with other crews
I've got nothing to gain, But Everything to lose
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Start leaving longer feedback sir.
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Some lines look stretched but it depends on how you make it flow. You showed a little vocab and internal rhyming, so you have potential if you keep it up, making your pieces complex. Putting the chorus in made the drop more complete.
The media molds me and gives me an identity
And now my words don't mean the same thing that they meant to me
I thought this couplet had a nice concept, although the second line is stretched. The topic was good, I was feeling the message in the first verse, but the second had better structure.
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Thanks and, I'll try and start leaving better feedback, I just joined and don't really know most of the rules