Decanter Anthem

Encore the night recluse, J walking seeking the right infuse
to keep his mind in tune with the dilemma of his light issue
Early hour daredevil, imperiled by his own state of conscious
a keep going under the bed complex, being raised by monsters
Paved by nonsense, a dusty mind frame solid with brickwall paper
tries to resonate passion, old fashioned..a waiting call savior
Keep him on the line, tight stepping the good-bye high rope
till the touch of midas cannot cope with all these pie jokes
Not fit for the circus, nor working, not even channel surfing
could reflect the sentiments of worthless in what his eyes were jerking
What a profound sponge used for the sink inside Hells kitchen
fell wishing for readiness, drowning under a harbour of pearled wisdom
It was all television, these idiot boxes governed by pinheads
tongue in cheek, got him asking.."what was said and what it meant?"
Paranoid about what's being said behind his back, chasing his tail
revolutions of giddyness, unfocued images... wasted on thin air
Embracing his sins here, but it was unclear and he was see-through
a negative perception builder, no-one knows how he will see you
Shake him up and watch him repel til he rebels and becomes contempt
with the populous, and the consequence is his inner system defence
It will shut down and leave him opened up for dire predicaments
coz if he's not simply thinking, he'll react like an infant kid
Financial situation paceless due to an insistent, indignant occupation
constant consultation between mind and brain...mental deterioration
But they've all seen it happen before and wont go down that road
so the train comes for you and believe the track aint that slow
All's well til alarm bells start tolling and cards start folding
path's evolving...right or wrong, climb or fall, sight in motion
Time is closing in, trying to escape the under segment of the hourglass
scaling the outer edge to reach that sand castles tower mast
Before getting fragged by destiny, we're all the cast of thespians dream
because all a drama consists of is heartache, bad taste and misery

Watch as it tends to build up... and is viewed as our threat
it lurks til our death.... exploring for the positive outlet
But out it steps... and very much earlier than expected
making eclectic seem eccentric... in methods unintended
Unaccepted, one direction... it's ascension is a question..
that is to pester anyone that ever mentions the phrase... 'You bottled it'

You need to leave 2 links to 2 open mics that you left decent feedback on or this gets closed, Thanks.

Lord n Demik.

I felt this piece man, It was dope in certain areas......Maybe a little weak in some, but it still got the point across.

Work on mutlis, and your vocabulary could use a touch up, as can your streched lines, and structure.

Keep dropping.

Check out Segregation Era, and/or Wicked Sense

LOL have you actually read any of my other pieces?

Why is all open mic critique the same...it hasn't changed in like 5 years :rolleyes:

Edit...

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=197814

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...93#post2516793

This was a nice piece. Good imaginitive concept and executed well. It had multies throughout; I dunno what the guy above you was saying, I don't think he read it properly. Nice imagery, and it was thoroughly creative. You had some grammar issues at certain points however. This could do with proof-reading a few times, and revising. But still a good solid piece of literature.

Get that other link please though. And oh yeah, Legacy died, so you'd best take that out of your sig.

Thank ya's for the read Dan

appreciate it

Some great imagery in this piece (the hell's kitchen line especially) and strong vocab which helped to illustraite. Thought it was a weird title but then again it was a weird topic style as well so it evened out nicely, lol. Pretty good pace, though i thought lines were occasionally overstretched. But a very readable piece man, good work.

Keep on posting.

^ The title tied in with the last line, the part in bold. I thought it was a really clever title.

You're welcome Phil. :)

^Yuppy

And Cheers for the look Johnny me boy :p

Well, you Arsenal supporting scumbag :-)..
This piece was cool. Nice to hit you up as you rarely post here.
It was cool all the way through and vivid in most spots.
Just gonna get my cons out of the way for this. .
Don't use that font/colour please. My eyes are fucked now.
I think some of your shit needed looking over as the spellings
stopped me reading a few times. Well halted it anyways.
Your imagination is dope, I'm so glad you put complicated
vocab to good use. Rather than for the sake of it.

Good, props, and get more active!

Check out mine and Camaracs Topical Collab piece.

^LOL@Him being owned

And thanks Gurker!... :p

Dizowning Nukka

Arg

"Early hour daredevil, imperiled by his own state of conscious
a keep going under the bed complex, being raised by monsters"

Those lines stood out for me.. This was a really dope drop, I thought that your complexity was on point without compromising the flow. You were descriptive and I thought you worded your lines well. Niiice shit.

Peace

Thanks for the replyyy... duuude