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..Life Events..
Lifes struggling strifes, leaving upholding familys in fights
Blundering sweat for Tears and Blood, Working lonely nights
Superb distant sights, Eligant years they Spend and tend....
To Depress and Coress the Pillow, Tears send to try and mend
Half their life spent, With abusive and ruthless arguments...
The children prescripting pills, And Crying fills without startin it
Dark Apartment, Living a Lie they try, But love fills the air..
Blistered bounty beware, and cup of life spills without a care
People Stare, And focus on lifes struggles with images broken
The homeless outspoken, Ghettos erupt violence with provoken..
Problems poking through, Soon court settlements abrew....
And out of every few, An ignorant pupil has the nerve to sew
Bombings seen through windows with suicidals in denial.....
With every court case and file, sports players putt'n on trial
Tons of Clothes in fashion, And whats out?..peace passing
Expensive broadcasting, While africa worries about food rations..
Lifes passin....Visons of being a star, Cover youth minds a far..
Only god knows they wont succeed what they need to get a car.
Lifes gazing star, Happiness is ahead just focus on the sign...
Becuase life is just beggining, Once upon a Time........
People, I went for different events from life, each line...So dont critique it badly like that, Each line describes a different life struggle, event etc.
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You have a lot of different ideas for this one. With a topic like life, its very wide. The piece could have used a note at the end that you purposely went for a different look with each sentence. The rhyming was a positive for the piece, kept the verse flowing nicely with the rhyme scheme. It was a nice idea to try and bring in different concepts, but the piece might have been better with more description on fewer thoughts, and they could be developed more thoroughly.
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I thought it was well thought up and writen...some parts were a little off for me like the part about people sewing...I liked it though...i felt the stuff u were sayin but u could of added more complex vocab in there...Good drop though...keep elevating and makin ur own style
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Uppin...........................
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You need to get two links, to two OMs you left decent feedback on, or this gets closed, thanks.
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jek stfu :)
kost sup nigga!?
nice piece here, short ..
but with a nice immagery ..
the concept was nice, & i ejoyed it to bad it was to short..
very creative shit
.. hit up the dreamteam collab aight
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Thank you eddy......Yea ill check that shit out.
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a decent, if well travelled, topic with some nice imagery which kept me reading. it had a pretty poetic feel to it although i think the vocab couldn't been better in places. some multi's and sligthly shorter lines would've improved the flow of the piece but it was definately worth the read. i'll be looking out for more of your stuff.
keep on posting. if you could rep my piece "timeline" i'd appriciate the feedback.
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This was a done thread!!!!.......... Great flow "The children prescripting pills, And Crying fills without startin it
Dark Apartment, Living a Lie they try, But love fills the air.."
^ yo i loved that part, man... You made ma day wit this flow and rhymez.. you got talent:)
