Dream

I feel a finger, touch lingers gently within,
Warmth in my heart.
Meanings leaving me, sensations creating love,
Wanting more forward I shove.
Emotions hidden, commotion caused to your view,
Just say 'I love you'.

Slowly pulsating, moving without and within,
Creating feeling.
Now I'm left reeling, my feeling disappeared,
I long for your touch so much.
I don't ask for much, flummoxed I stumble around,
Head in the clouds.

I've found this joyache, I can't take it anymore,
Too hard to ignore.
Hook line and sinker, likned my heart from centre,
What is this meant for?
I hurt inside more, my feelings should be censored,
Tormented I sleep.

Passively i drift, laying bereft peacefully,
Sweet dreams above me.
I taste your sweetness, soft lips pressed i lose my breath,
Complete ecstasy is left.
What you've meant to me, has been mostly sensually,
That's how it should be.

Slowly i awake, the window shows the days break,
My heart is full of ache.
I wake and you're gone, and so my day has begun,
With longing full on intense.
Soon it'll be gone, my feelings of love removed,
No longer used.

My vision shattered, what once did doesn't matter,
Don't flatter yourself.

Uppin this to get some feedback peeps....it'd be appreciated....leave a link and i'll drop a line on urs...

man i aint feelin dis poetic shit.. das all ya good at nigga u aint good at rappin i seen ya spit cyphas.. not hatin but dis is garbage homie.. get a job at mcdonalds or sutin 4 real......

Scorpion, WTF are you? This is the poetry section, you and your lame ass name go somewhere else with that shit...

Ill edit feed into this when i have I'm in the mood lol, right now my head is sore.

I notice your being very active on PS, especially how much your replying to other peoples poetry which is great. Anyway, to the poem, it looks good on the outside but the flow is real iffy. Where your rhyming might be why, this might have been better an unrhyming poem, hit me up on aim and i'll give you some pointers, prolly tommorrow...

Cheers for the feedback...not got aim sorry...maybe if you've msnmesssenger...

I got this one khan, lol, she has potential. Like bounce an people say, we need to look out for the future of RB, and imo Eve is one of the future elite right here, she has to potential to go far.

Upp for her!

Come on peeps...uppin this thread...i've left loads of feedback for people...you know who you are...do us a favour and return the same...i just wanna elevate like everyone else!!!

The way you developed the piece was done well. Although there could have been more to the set-up, you described the events with the emotions nicely. You created a good image when going in detail about the escapism that was felt when dreaming, and how the mood of the piece changed. The symmetrical structure was a good touch. Rhyming in different spots served to give the stanzas a different feel.
Thanks for checking out my pieces, and stay active.

I usually dont do feedback just cause im not that good at explaining myself. But
Someone said that it should be a none rhyming poem , who said it cant be some rhyming some no rhyming?
And it all depeneds how its read. I thought it was good.